Tragic: Borderline Incestuous Camp Friend Group Contracts Mono

LAKE COMO, PA — Lying in bed at the Camp Perlman infirmary, camper Shoshana Stein was seen sobbing after being diagnosed with Mononucleosis, commonly referred to as ‘mono’, making her the fourth person in her tight-knit friend group to contract the disease. Rachel Gross, arguably the glue of the friend group, was available to comment.Continue reading “Tragic: Borderline Incestuous Camp Friend Group Contracts Mono”

Business Owner In Rural Town Hoping Summer Profits Will Last Until Local Jewish Camp Reopens Next Year

STARLIGHT, PA — In the wake of a summer of unprecedented profits, local gift shop and general store owner Frank Hoddard has been left to wonder if his business will survive until the neighboring Jewish camp opens up next year. Hoddard’s store, The Goose’s Egg, sold a historic number of flannel shirts and patterned fluffy socksContinue reading “Business Owner In Rural Town Hoping Summer Profits Will Last Until Local Jewish Camp Reopens Next Year”

Local Kid Won’t Stop Talking About NFTY, For Some Reason

CLEVELAND, OH — Classmates of local high school junior Jared Shuman continue to be shocked, annoyed, and almost impressed by the sheer amount of words that Shuman is able to say every single day about NFTY. Shuman, who serves as regional vice president of the Reform Jewish Youth Movement, has worn a different NFTY-related shirtContinue reading “Local Kid Won’t Stop Talking About NFTY, For Some Reason”

Student Rejected from 14 Internships, Insists Working at Summer Camp Looks More Impressive on Resume Anyways

GAINESVILLE, FL — After months of applications to various internships, University of Florida sophomore Emily Perling has ultimately decided to return to Camp Coleman for the summer. “Working at camp actually looks better on a resume,” said Perling, a computer science major who applied to nine different software companies’ summer internships, three international research programs,Continue reading “Student Rejected from 14 Internships, Insists Working at Summer Camp Looks More Impressive on Resume Anyways”

Stop Talking About Your Camp

Enough already.  Just because we’re both Jewish, it doesn’t mean I want to hear about your “life-changing” past Jewish experiences all the time. People have to stop talking about their camps and youth groups (unless they are the same ones I went to). Seriously, we are in college. We’re adults, and high school is aContinue reading “Stop Talking About Your Camp”