mordechai

“People Know Me As The Purim Hype Guy” Says Local Alcoholic

5 Easy Purim Drinking Games to Make Your Mitzvah Fulfillment Lit AF

Purim is one of the best Jewish holidays for getting absolutely smashed – sure, we have four cups of wine on Pesach, but on this holy day we’re literally commanded to get blackout drunk. Here are some quick and efficient ways to take your holiday experience to the next level. 1. Take a shot forContinue reading “5 Easy Purim Drinking Games to Make Your Mitzvah Fulfillment Lit AF”

Overly-passionate Congregation’s Boos Starting to Hurt Megillah Reader’s Feelings

WHITE PLAINS, NY — Reports of Temple Sharith Israel’s annual Megillah reading event becoming progressively more hostile every year have been rocking the White Plains community, and Rabbi Danya Farstein has fallen victim to the brunt of the hostility. “At first, it was barely noticeable. The booing at the mention of Haman was maybe aContinue reading “Overly-passionate Congregation’s Boos Starting to Hurt Megillah Reader’s Feelings”

Chabad Rabbi Shoots Heroin Until Unable to Tell Difference Between Haman and Mordechai

WILLIAMSBURG, NY — Rabbi Dov “Wild Bear” Scharf took an unconventional approach to his Purim partying this year. In accordance with Halacha, on Purim one is commanded to become inebriated until unable to tell the difference between the two main characters of the Purim story – however, instead of bringing alcohol, this year Rabbi ScharfContinue reading “Chabad Rabbi Shoots Heroin Until Unable to Tell Difference Between Haman and Mordechai”

Baby in Back of Synagogue Must Like REALLY Hate Haman

SEATTLE, WA — Congregation Beth Shalom’s Emma Geller, the 4-month old daughter of Meital and Ben Geller, showed her admirably staunch disapproval of the evil Haman’s attempted genocide of our people Erev Purim, when she would not stop crying through literally the entire Megillah reading. Emma began crying as soon as Rabbi Eric Horowitz began readingContinue reading “Baby in Back of Synagogue Must Like REALLY Hate Haman”

Opinion: To be Honest, Haman Could Get It

Have you ever read the Megillah and thought “Damn… Esther really went for the wrong guy”? Because honestly, I’m with you. Not that if I was in her place I wouldn’t have saved all the Jews, but if I’m being totally truthful, I might have gotten distracted once I was in that palace because, toContinue reading “Opinion: To be Honest, Haman Could Get It”