Tag Archives: esther

5 Purim Costumes For When Vashti Just Isn’t Slutty Enough

Purim is a time to get dressed up in your favorite costume and drink as much as you can without landing your drunk ass in the hospital. Since it’s basically a second Halloween, you might as well show a lil titty. Here are some slutty costumes to wear this year if Vashti just isn’t cuttingContinue reading “5 Purim Costumes For When Vashti Just Isn’t Slutty Enough”

Pathetic: Local Fourth Grader Can’t Fold Hamantaschen Correctly

HOLLYWOOD, FL — Attempting to impress his older cousins late Sunday afternoon, fourth grader Dovi Berman insisted that he was a skilled hamantaschen folder. Despite his bragging, however, it was soon discovered that his skills left much to be desired. “At first I assumed he was going overboard with the filling,” said Berman’s older cousinContinue reading “Pathetic: Local Fourth Grader Can’t Fold Hamantaschen Correctly”

5 Easy Purim Drinking Games to Make Your Mitzvah Fulfillment Lit AF

Purim is one of the best Jewish holidays for getting absolutely smashed – sure, we have four cups of wine on Pesach, but on this holy day we’re literally commanded to get blackout drunk. Here are some quick and efficient ways to take your holiday experience to the next level.  1. Take a shot forContinue reading “5 Easy Purim Drinking Games to Make Your Mitzvah Fulfillment Lit AF”

Overly-passionate Congregation’s Boos Starting to Hurt Megillah Reader’s Feelings

WHITE PLAINS, NY — Reports of Temple Sharith Israel’s annual Megillah reading event becoming progressively more hostile every year have been rocking the White Plains community, and Rabbi Danya Farstein has fallen victim to the brunt of the hostility.  “At first, it was barely noticeable. The booing at the mention of Haman was maybe aContinue reading “Overly-passionate Congregation’s Boos Starting to Hurt Megillah Reader’s Feelings”

Chabad Rabbi Shoots Heroin Until Unable to Tell Difference Between Haman and Mordechai

WILLIAMSBURG, NY — Rabbi Dov “Wild Bear” Scharf took an unconventional approach to his Purim partying this year. In accordance with Halacha, on Purim one is commanded to become inebriated until unable to tell the difference between the two main characters of the Purim story – however, instead of bringing alcohol, this year Rabbi ScharfContinue reading “Chabad Rabbi Shoots Heroin Until Unable to Tell Difference Between Haman and Mordechai”