HOLLYWOOD, FL — Sitting on the floor of the local synagogue social hall, invitees to Gabrielle Stein’s Bat Mitzvah wiped away tears during her poorly assembled montage while Green Day’s fifth most popular song played in the background. “I mean, I just felt like the song was so funky and unique. It was a closeContinue reading “Heartwarming: “Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)” Plays During Bat Mitzvah Montage”
Author Archives: Jon
Devastating: BBYO Shabbaton Rookie Accidentally Says Two Lies And A Truth
Man Exiled From Lakewood After Wife Says Hamotzi At Shabbat Table
Climate Change Solved: Elders Of Zion Finally Fix Weather-Control Machine
Scandalous: Local Mezuzah Clearly Dirty Little Slut For Kisses
Tragic: Leftover Poppyseed Hamantaschen Served As Dessert For Third Consecutive Week
L’Chaim: Manischewitz To Release Hard Seltzer Brand Targeted At College Hillels
WALTHAM, MA — On the heels of an especially booze-soaked Purim, Manischewitz has announced the production of their own brand of hard seltzer in an attempt to liven up Hillel events. “It’s two of the world’s most popular types of alcohol combined into one great drink!” said Manischewitz representative, Chana Gould. “It’s the perfect drinkContinue reading “L’Chaim: Manischewitz To Release Hard Seltzer Brand Targeted At College Hillels”
Student Suspended After Shouting ‘Sour Cream’ During Birkat Hamazon For Third Time This Week
MELROSE PARK, PA — Ending Birkat Hamazon abruptly, Rabbi Jacob Shiner, the head of Torat Emet Middle School, was barely able to hold back tears after hearing “sour cream” shouted over the prayer for the third time this week. When the perpetrator was discovered to be known trouble-maker Eli Goldstein, the 5th grader was promptlyContinue reading “Student Suspended After Shouting ‘Sour Cream’ During Birkat Hamazon For Third Time This Week”
Reform Congregation Ditches Traditional Prayer, Switches To Rap Battles
MANHATTAN, NY — Attempting to appeal to the local youth, Reform congregation Temple Beth Emet made the brave decision last week to begin conducting prayers in the form of a rap battle. “I needed a way to engage the community’s younger crowd,” said Head Rabbi, Shoshana Steiner. “I figured, you know, I’ve listened to HamiltonContinue reading “Reform Congregation Ditches Traditional Prayer, Switches To Rap Battles”
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