Author Archives: Jon

Area Kid Singing Adon Olam On Bimah Hoping This Will Be His Big Break

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Eight-year-old Asher Engleman inspired the crowd at Congregation Lev Torah on Saturday when he marched to the bimah and belted Adon Olam with all the stage presence and determination of a future Broadway star. “I just knew it was going to be my big break,” Asher said, after leading the prayer inContinue reading “Area Kid Singing Adon Olam On Bimah Hoping This Will Be His Big Break”

Local campus Hillel Proves Pluralism Is Totally Possible As Long As No One Interacts With Each Other

COLLEGE PARK, MD — The University of Maryland Hillel has proven, once and for all, that Jewish communities are capable of creating inclusive and pluralistic spaces, where Jews of all denominations can feel comfortable practicing their own brand of Judaism around each other, as long as they are within their own designated rooms of theContinue reading “Local campus Hillel Proves Pluralism Is Totally Possible As Long As No One Interacts With Each Other”

Opinion: Is This Syrian Boy Flirting With Me Or Is He Just Gay

So I’m at this Jew party and I meet this guy. We instantly vibe. He’s dressed well – and I mean well. An oversized cream t-shirt meant to flop against his lanky but somehow still built body. A shirt clearly from Zara, but not one of those $10 tees they have – this one costContinue reading “Opinion: Is This Syrian Boy Flirting With Me Or Is He Just Gay”

Hebrew School Teacher Turns On Projector, Shows Raiders Of The Lost Ark Again

BETHESDA, MD — Students attending Congregation Etz HaTorah Hebrew school this Sunday were disappointed when Morah Jodi turned on the projector to reveal the Amazon Prime home screen, preparing to show Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark yet again. “How many years in a row can we watch Indiana Jones?” complained seventh grader BennyContinue reading “Hebrew School Teacher Turns On Projector, Shows Raiders Of The Lost Ark Again”

Syrian Community Petitions UN To Recognize Deal, New Jersey As Heritage Site

BROOKLYN, NY — Earlier today, court proceedings at the United Nations began discussing the much anticipated Deal Heritage case. The case was initially shrugged off by UN interns as a prank and somewhat of an insult to the integrity of the world’s most important moral voice – however, the Syrians wouldn’t let a couple ofContinue reading “Syrian Community Petitions UN To Recognize Deal, New Jersey As Heritage Site”

Uh Oh: The Fax Machine At The Ohel Is Jammed Again

QUEENS, NY — The 27-year-old fax machine at the Ohel, the burial site of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, has jammed for the third time this month, according to reports. The fax machine receives close to 700 kvitlach, prayers written on small pieces of paper addressed to the Rebbe, each day. Now, withContinue reading “Uh Oh: The Fax Machine At The Ohel Is Jammed Again”