sefardi

Opinion: Is This Syrian Boy Flirting With Me Or Is He Just Gay

So I’m at this Jew party and I meet this guy. We instantly vibe. He’s dressed well – and I mean well. An oversized cream t-shirt meant to flop against his lanky but somehow still built body. A shirt clearly from Zara, but not one of those $10 tees they have – this one costContinue reading “Opinion: Is This Syrian Boy Flirting With Me Or Is He Just Gay”

Syrian Community Petitions UN To Recognize Deal, New Jersey As Heritage Site

BROOKLYN, NY — Earlier today, court proceedings at the United Nations began discussing the much anticipated Deal Heritage case. The case was initially shrugged off by UN interns as a prank and somewhat of an insult to the integrity of the world’s most important moral voice – however, the Syrians wouldn’t let a couple ofContinue reading “Syrian Community Petitions UN To Recognize Deal, New Jersey As Heritage Site”

Opinion: Sephardim Say More Slichot Because They Sin More

Alright here’s the thing. For years Sefardim have been smug about having longer slichot than us Ashkenazi people. They think they’re better because their slichot lasts a full month, while ours is only two weeks. But honestly, when you really think about it, why do they need so long? The whole point of slichot isContinue reading “Opinion: Sephardim Say More Slichot Because They Sin More”

Sephardic COVID Patient Relieved to Lose Sense of Taste Right Before Visiting Ashkenaz In-Laws for Passover

SEATTLE, WA — After a long battle with the COVID-19 virus, local graduate student Aaron Abarbanel was relieved to find his lost sense of taste and smell have not yet returned, just in time to visit his in-laws of Polish descent. “When I go over there I already have to shovel cold pressure-cooker brisket andContinue reading “Sephardic COVID Patient Relieved to Lose Sense of Taste Right Before Visiting Ashkenaz In-Laws for Passover”

Elderly Persian Man at Least Four Words Behind Throughout Entirety of Mourner’s Kaddish

BEVERLY HILLS, CA — Mourners praying at Congregation Mogen David reportedly had trouble getting through Kaddish at the end of a Wednesday afternoon Mincha due to the delayed recitation of Haim Ephrampur, a 78-year-old Iranian member of the community. The Mourner’s Kaddish, a traditional Jewish prayer said for 11 months after the death of aContinue reading “Elderly Persian Man at Least Four Words Behind Throughout Entirety of Mourner’s Kaddish”

SHOCKING: Community Outraged by Rampant Ashkenormativity at Kugelfest

ALLENTOWN, PA — Allentown Jewish Community Center held their 38th Annual Kugelfest this Sunday at a park downtown; the day featured contests of over 75 kugel recipes, as well as strudel bake-offs, cholent eating contests, matzah ball workshops, and even a station where the kids could bob for gefilte fish in a bucket of borscht.Continue reading “SHOCKING: Community Outraged by Rampant Ashkenormativity at Kugelfest”