BERKELEY, CA — Clad in tight-fitting leather fetishwear, local dominatrix Susie Sanders told reporters that her attendance at a rally in support of the Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions movement that took place on the quad of UC Berkeley last Monday was unintentional. “I came here to fuck,” said Sanders, who was looking to participate inContinue reading “Confused Dominatrix Accidentally Attends Rally for BDS Movement”
Tag Archives: israel
After 40 Years of Wandering, Sinai Jews Disappointed to Discover Israel is Just More Desert
GILGAL, ISRAEL — After 40 years of Moses pumping up the land of Israel, the Jewish people were all disappointed to discover their promised holy homeland is just more fucking desert. “I don’t understand where those spies got that massive fruit from,” Israelite Jebediah Ben Eli said. “We don’t even have drip irrigation yet.” OtherContinue reading “After 40 Years of Wandering, Sinai Jews Disappointed to Discover Israel is Just More Desert”
A Crash Landing is Still Technically a Landing: Remembering Israel’s Space Program on the Yahrtzeit of Beresheet
Today, April 11th, we observe the second yahrtzeit of Beresheet – the small, determined, and inspiring robotic-lunar-lander-that-could that was set to be Israel’s debut on the Moon. Beresheet was built by a team from SpaceIL and Israel Aerospace Industries, and set many records with graceful purpose: she made Israel the seventh country to orbit theContinue reading “A Crash Landing is Still Technically a Landing: Remembering Israel’s Space Program on the Yahrtzeit of Beresheet”
Adventurous HaKotel Alum Decides to Leave the Jewish Bubble, Attends Maryland
COLLEGE PARK, MD — Yaakov Davidson of Houston, Texas is officially getting out of the closed-off ‘bubble’ of Modern Orthodox Judaism. “I’ve just been on the same path my whole life,” Davidson said of the decision. “I really wanted to get out of the same system, the same echochamber. I think it’s really healthy toContinue reading “Adventurous HaKotel Alum Decides to Leave the Jewish Bubble, Attends Maryland”
Hillel Member Posts infographic to Instagram Story, Solves Israeli-Palestinian Conflict
CHICAGO, IL — Palestinians and Jews around the world have breathed a sigh of relief and begun mass celebrations as an infographic shared by University of Chicago Hillel treasurer Josh Goldfarb has finally put an end to the decades-long conflict between Israel and Palestine. Since being posted last Thursday, the graphic, which depicted the colorfulContinue reading “Hillel Member Posts infographic to Instagram Story, Solves Israeli-Palestinian Conflict”
Area Kid Went on Gap Year; We Get It
BALTIMORE, MD — The greater Baltimore Jewish community is well aware that Jonah Reitman spent the last year in Israel. Since Reitman, age 19, returned from his 9-month journey in Israel, he has brought it up many times. A week after arriving back in the United States, he attended synagogue wearing a kippah he boughtContinue reading “Area Kid Went on Gap Year; We Get It”
Jewish Cemetery Vandalized With Graffiti Portraits of Shimon Peres, Community Confused
NEW ORLEANS, LA — Police responded to a vandalism call at the Hebrew Rest Cemetery late last night, where they discovered that the gate to the Jewish cemetery was broken, the sign was torn down, and many gravestones were covered in spray paint. Of the nine grave markers that were painted, seven were marked withContinue reading “Jewish Cemetery Vandalized With Graffiti Portraits of Shimon Peres, Community Confused”
Opinion: Inventing the Cherry Tomato Doesn’t Excuse Israel’s Actions
I am a proud Zionist, and there are many things that make me proud of my home nation – so when I hear people on campus discussing Israel, I am quick to respond with the many ways that Israel has actually made the world a better place: Waze, USB drives, drip irrigation, and so muchContinue reading “Opinion: Inventing the Cherry Tomato Doesn’t Excuse Israel’s Actions”
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