Tag Archives: jew

L’Chaim: Manischewitz To Release Hard Seltzer Brand Targeted At College Hillels

WALTHAM, MA — On the heels of an especially booze-soaked Purim, Manischewitz has announced the production of their own brand of hard seltzer in an attempt to liven up Hillel events. “It’s two of the world’s most popular types of alcohol combined into one great drink!” said Manischewitz representative, Chana Gould. “It’s the perfect drinkContinue reading “L’Chaim: Manischewitz To Release Hard Seltzer Brand Targeted At College Hillels”

Student Suspended After Shouting ‘Sour Cream’ During Birkat Hamazon For Third Time This Week

MELROSE PARK, PA — Ending Birkat Hamazon abruptly, Rabbi Jacob Shiner, the head of Torat Emet Middle School, was barely able to hold back tears after hearing “sour cream” shouted over the prayer for the third time this week. When the perpetrator was discovered to be known trouble-maker Eli Goldstein, the 5th grader was promptlyContinue reading “Student Suspended After Shouting ‘Sour Cream’ During Birkat Hamazon For Third Time This Week”

Reform Congregation Ditches Traditional Prayer, Switches To Rap Battles

MANHATTAN, NY — Attempting to appeal to the local youth, Reform congregation Temple Beth Emet made the brave decision last week to begin conducting prayers in the form of a rap battle.  “I needed a way to engage the community’s younger crowd,” said Head Rabbi, Shoshana Steiner. “I figured, you know, I’ve listened to HamiltonContinue reading “Reform Congregation Ditches Traditional Prayer, Switches To Rap Battles”

Purim And St. Patrick’s Day Fall On Same Day In Win For Alcoholism

NEW YORK, NY — In an exciting twist for alcoholics and enablers alike, St. Patrick’s Day and Purim fall on the same day this year. According to experts, this holiday coincidence is a unique opportunity for those who claim to “only drink on special occasions” to go absolutely apeshit without fear of divine retribution.  “We’reContinue reading “Purim And St. Patrick’s Day Fall On Same Day In Win For Alcoholism”

Pathetic: Local Fourth Grader Can’t Fold Hamantaschen Correctly

HOLLYWOOD, FL — Attempting to impress his older cousins late Sunday afternoon, fourth grader Dovi Berman insisted that he was a skilled hamantaschen folder. Despite his bragging, however, it was soon discovered that his skills left much to be desired. “At first I assumed he was going overboard with the filling,” said Berman’s older cousinContinue reading “Pathetic: Local Fourth Grader Can’t Fold Hamantaschen Correctly”