Author Archives: Jon
Report: Trader Joe’s Employee Doesn’t Know What ‘Choomus’ Is
WOODMERE, NY — Confusion ensued at the Trader Joe’s branch in Woodmere late Wednesday evening when employee Olivia Walker claimed to not understand customer Brocha Perlstein’s request for so-called “choomus”. “I honestly thought that Trader Joe’s was a Jewish store,” said Perlstein, who recently returned from her year in Israel at Midreshet Moriah. “I mean,Continue reading “Report: Trader Joe’s Employee Doesn’t Know What ‘Choomus’ Is “
Impressive: Birthright Attendee Beats Odds, Drowns In Dead Sea
EIN GEDI, ISRAEL — Shattering a historic glass ceiling, 20-year-old Birthright attendee Sarah Shapiro became the first person to drown in the Dead Sea last Thursday morning, baffling authorities and her fellow bus-mates alike. “Considering this is the one body of water that doesn’t require prior swimming experience, I have to say I’m pretty impressed,”Continue reading “Impressive: Birthright Attendee Beats Odds, Drowns In Dead Sea”
Jew Offered Knuckle Sandwich, Asks To Wash First
As Conservative Movement Dies, USY Hookup Point System Faces Inflation
SILVER SPRING, MD — Following a steep decline in Conservative Jews, the famed “point system” for hookups between members of Conservative youth group USY is now facing gripping inflation rates. “When my older sisters were in USY, they probably had 40, 50 points each,” explained Sami Broder, who comprises her entire chapter board and isContinue reading “As Conservative Movement Dies, USY Hookup Point System Faces Inflation”
Opinion: I Can’t Believe The Haredi Guy On My Flight Is Watching Game Of Thrones
What a fool I was to assume my 10:26 P.M. United Airlines flight from Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood Airport to La Guardia would be an ordinary, uneventful journey. I spied his shtreimel from the back of the TSA line and felt a sinking feeling in my gut – somehow I just knew that this Haredi man wouldContinue reading “Opinion: I Can’t Believe The Haredi Guy On My Flight Is Watching Game Of Thrones”
Jewish Students Everywhere Thank Whoopi Goldberg For New Reason To Post Infographics
Former Washington Football Team Chooses “Jews” As New Culturally Insensitive Mascot
Report: Guy Putting Head Down For Tachanun Clearly Just Playing Wordle
Aggressive AIPAC College Student Secretly Disappointed By Lack Of BDS On Campus
SYRACUSE, NY — Justin Kreischman, a freshman at Syracuse University, recently revealed to reporters that, despite his outwardly normal college life, he spends his nights lying awake, wishing he could have the chance to yell at people about Israel. Attending the American Israel Public Affairs Committee Policy Conference every year of high school inspired KreischmanContinue reading “Aggressive AIPAC College Student Secretly Disappointed By Lack Of BDS On Campus”
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