shabbos – Page 2

Leonardo DiCaprio Abandons Jewish Conversion Plans After Discovering Shabbat 25 Hours Long

Guy On First NCSY Shabbaton Hopes Girls Impressed By How Good He Is At Helping Stack Chairs

“The ladies may not have noticed, but one of the counselors honestly seemed pretty into me,” said Aidan, ignoring that he is 15 and the counselor is in her mid-20s. “She kept handing me chairs, bro. I’m definitely in.”

Study Discovers Horniest Place On Earth: Your Campus Hillel’s Shabbat Service

YOUR CAMPUS HILLEL — A groundbreaking meta-analysis of a sociological survey conducted by the U.S. Census Bureau proved mathematically that the Shabbat services hosted by your campus Hillel are quantitatively the horniest place on Earth. University Hillels proudly offer multiple Friday night services geared towards different denominations of Judaism, all of which are practically anContinue reading “Study Discovers Horniest Place On Earth: Your Campus Hillel’s Shabbat Service”

Man Exiled From Lakewood After Wife Says Hamotzi At Shabbat Table

Shabbos Goy Promoted To Full-Time Goy

Rabbi Declares It Forbidden To Carry Guilt On Shabbat Without Eruv

OAK PARK, MI — Hoping to encourage a stricter level of Shabbat observance in the community, Rabbi Benjamin Fuchs declared a prohibition last Thursday morning on carrying any form of emotional guilt on Shabbat without a proper Eruv. “I just don’t know how I’m going to get to Shul now,” said Oak Park resident DevorahContinue reading “Rabbi Declares It Forbidden To Carry Guilt On Shabbat Without Eruv”

Man Stoned To Death For Plowing Your Mom On Shabbat

NCSY Shabbaton Participant Sitting On Hotel Floor With New Friends Doesn’t Realize Life Downhill From Here

Man Wrestling Uncontrollable Urge To Fix Bike Chain On Shabbat

Uh Oh: Yedid Nefesh Off to Slow Start, Forecast Bleak for Rest of Kabbalat Shabbat

TEANECK, NJ — A drawn-out “Yedid Nefesh” was heard Friday at sunset in Young Israel of Teaneck, leading to bleak predictions for when services would finally end. Murmurs were heard around the synagogue as members filled with regret that seventy-two-year-old Isaac Rosenberg was allowed to lead Kabbalat Shabbat services for the third time this year. Continue reading “Uh Oh: Yedid Nefesh Off to Slow Start, Forecast Bleak for Rest of Kabbalat Shabbat”