Author Archives: Jon

Purim And St. Patrick’s Day Fall On Same Day In Win For Alcoholism

NEW YORK, NY — In an exciting twist for alcoholics and enablers alike, St. Patrick’s Day and Purim fall on the same day this year. According to experts, this holiday coincidence is a unique opportunity for those who claim to “only drink on special occasions” to go absolutely apeshit without fear of divine retribution.  “We’reContinue reading “Purim And St. Patrick’s Day Fall On Same Day In Win For Alcoholism”

5 Purim Costumes For When Vashti Just Isn’t Slutty Enough

Purim is a time to get dressed up in your favorite costume and drink as much as you can without landing your drunk ass in the hospital. Since it’s basically a second Halloween, you might as well show a lil titty. Here are some slutty costumes to wear this year if Vashti just isn’t cuttingContinue reading “5 Purim Costumes For When Vashti Just Isn’t Slutty Enough”

Pathetic: Local Fourth Grader Can’t Fold Hamantaschen Correctly

HOLLYWOOD, FL — Attempting to impress his older cousins late Sunday afternoon, fourth grader Dovi Berman insisted that he was a skilled hamantaschen folder. Despite his bragging, however, it was soon discovered that his skills left much to be desired. “At first I assumed he was going overboard with the filling,” said Berman’s older cousinContinue reading “Pathetic: Local Fourth Grader Can’t Fold Hamantaschen Correctly”

Lone Soldier Shocked Israeli Army Significantly Harder Than Camp IDF Day

ASHKELON, IL — Following his first week of basic training, new IDF recruit Jacob Moskowitz realized that it was going to be much harder than Camp Moshava’s army day simulation made it out to be.  “The army is actually really hard, guys,” said Moskowitz to his completely unsympathetic camp friends, who chose to spend theirContinue reading “Lone Soldier Shocked Israeli Army Significantly Harder Than Camp IDF Day”