Tag Archives: holiday

Bubbe Cold Just Watching People On TV At Thanksgiving Parade

BOCA RATON, FL — Surrounded by her children and grandchildren for Thanksgiving, local bubbe Annette Ribner spent all of Thursday morning yelling at the television for the performers at the 95th annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade to put on coats, or at least some tights, because she was cold just looking at them. “These young girlsContinue reading “Bubbe Cold Just Watching People On TV At Thanksgiving Parade”

Heartwarming: NCSY Rabbi Doesn’t Celebrate Thanksgiving Because He’s Thankful Every Day

BEACHWOOD, OH — In a tear-inducing speech to a room of NCSY high schoolers, Rabbi Eitan Weiss explained that he doesn’t need to celebrate Thanksgiving since he is thankful every single day. “Each morning I wake up and say Modeh Ani and I am overwhelmed by the blessings Hashem has given me,” Rabbi Weiss said toContinue reading “Heartwarming: NCSY Rabbi Doesn’t Celebrate Thanksgiving Because He’s Thankful Every Day”

Breaking: Columbus Revealed To Be Secretly Jewish, Born Chaim Cholumbutz

GENOA, ITALY — Explorer Christopher Columbus, known for ‘Columbus Day’ and being a genocidal tyrant that caused the deaths of millions of indigenous people, was recently discovered to have been secretly Jewish this whole time, originally born Chaim Cholumbutz. The truth was uncovered after two years of excavations on what is believed to be oneContinue reading “Breaking: Columbus Revealed To Be Secretly Jewish, Born Chaim Cholumbutz”

Mom Absolutely Losing It Over Parve Dessert That Tastes Dairy

SKOKIE, IL — Spectators from the Shabbat table of Miriam Finkel yesterday claim they witnessed a bizarre scene when the soccer mom couldn’t seem to stop talking about the Tofutti Cuties she purchased at the kosher grocery store. Finkel had never tasted the delicacy before and had previously been wary of parve ice cream products.Continue reading “Mom Absolutely Losing It Over Parve Dessert That Tastes Dairy”

5 Tips To Bagel Your Professor

The art of bageling is a delicate and sensitive dance – a skill that helps us bond with fellow Jews even while hiding it from outsiders. For example, calling your mom “ima” aloud when you’re otherwise craftily hiding your identity by having a normal nose or not wearing your Jewish Star necklace. Here are someContinue reading “5 Tips To Bagel Your Professor”

Man Who Has Never Made Etrog Jam In His Life Swears This The Year He Finally Makes Etrog Jam

OAK PARK, MI — In a press release this week, accountant and local block party host Aryeh Gerber has vowed that this year will finally be the year that he makes jam out of the citrus used as part of the celebration of Sukkot.  “This year, I’m really gonna do it,” stated Gerber at hisContinue reading “Man Who Has Never Made Etrog Jam In His Life Swears This The Year He Finally Makes Etrog Jam”