Tag Archives: israel

Aggressive AIPAC College Student Secretly Disappointed By Lack Of BDS On Campus

SYRACUSE, NY — Justin Kreischman, a freshman at Syracuse University, recently revealed to reporters that, despite his outwardly normal college life, he spends his nights lying awake, wishing he could have the chance to yell at people about Israel. Attending the American Israel Public Affairs Committee Policy Conference every year of high school inspired KreischmanContinue reading “Aggressive AIPAC College Student Secretly Disappointed By Lack Of BDS On Campus”

Breaking: Jewish Day Schools Just Hiring Strangers At El-Al Arrival Gate As Hebrew Teachers

QUEENS, NY — Following staffing shortages at Ramaz Upper School, the principal, Mr. Joshua Adelman, was seen Monday in John F. Kennedy International Airport Terminal 4 searching for potential Hebrew teachers arriving from an El-Al flight. “We’re looking for anyone that can speak the language, basically,” Adelman told reporters while hiding behind a large fernContinue reading “Breaking: Jewish Day Schools Just Hiring Strangers At El-Al Arrival Gate As Hebrew Teachers”

Trees Thinking Of Just Staying In For Birthday This Year

The Forest — In a statement on Saturday night, one day before Tu Bishvat, the world’s trees announced that they decided to stay in for their birthday this year. “Look,” they said, “in a normal year, we love our collective birthday. We get all barked up and do our leaves all nice, but with allContinue reading “Trees Thinking Of Just Staying In For Birthday This Year”

Suspicious: Man Becomes Religious Just In Time to Cover Growing Bald Spot With Kippah

CEDARHURST, NY — Local Cedarhurst resident, Randy Friedman, known around town for his large backyard tent, has recently begun shifting back to Orthodoxy according to the latest reports. The most prominent change for him thus far has been the donning of a yarmulke, which he started to wear as of last Tuesday.  When questioned byContinue reading “Suspicious: Man Becomes Religious Just In Time to Cover Growing Bald Spot With Kippah”

Amar’e Stoudemire Converts To Islam After YU Basketball Streak Ends

Amar’e Stoudemire was reportedly extremely embarrassed upon receiving the news that Yeshiva University’s basketball team, the Maccabees, lost a game-ending their 50-game streak. “Damn, I should have known Kareem was right,” he said, throwing his black hat to the ground.