Tag Archives: shul

Reform Congregation Ditches Traditional Prayer, Switches To Rap Battles

MANHATTAN, NY — Attempting to appeal to the local youth, Reform congregation Temple Beth Emet made the brave decision last week to begin conducting prayers in the form of a rap battle.  “I needed a way to engage the community’s younger crowd,” said Head Rabbi, Shoshana Steiner. “I figured, you know, I’ve listened to HamiltonContinue reading “Reform Congregation Ditches Traditional Prayer, Switches To Rap Battles”

Purim And St. Patrick’s Day Fall On Same Day In Win For Alcoholism

NEW YORK, NY — In an exciting twist for alcoholics and enablers alike, St. Patrick’s Day and Purim fall on the same day this year. According to experts, this holiday coincidence is a unique opportunity for those who claim to “only drink on special occasions” to go absolutely apeshit without fear of divine retribution.  “We’reContinue reading “Purim And St. Patrick’s Day Fall On Same Day In Win For Alcoholism”

Rabbi Declares It Forbidden To Carry Guilt On Shabbat Without Eruv

OAK PARK, MI — Hoping to encourage a stricter level of Shabbat observance in the community, Rabbi Benjamin Fuchs declared a prohibition last Thursday morning on carrying any form of emotional guilt on Shabbat without a proper Eruv.  “I just don’t know how I’m going to get to Shul now,” said Oak Park resident DevorahContinue reading “Rabbi Declares It Forbidden To Carry Guilt On Shabbat Without Eruv”

Only Jewish Employee At Kosher Pizzeria Makes Big Bucks Just To Turn On Ovens

ELIZABETH, NJ — Grinning smugly as he turned the oven to 350° Fahrenheit, local teenager Moshe Goldfarb confirmed that he had been hired last week at Jerusalem Pizza in Elizabeth, New Jersey to operate the restaurant’s ovens, thereby circumventing the prohibition of Bishul Akum (cooking by gentiles). “The job really allows me to apply whatContinue reading “Only Jewish Employee At Kosher Pizzeria Makes Big Bucks Just To Turn On Ovens”