NEW YORK, NY — Admitting that the experience failed to meet his expectations, Shmuley Moscowitz was reportedly disappointed Wednesday evening as he left the Yeshiva University Seforim Sale alone, with only a bag full of books he had no intention of reading. Moscowitz, who frequently skips night Seder to watch YU basketball games, arrived atContinue reading “Man Leaves YU Seforim Sale With No Marriage Prospects, Only Books”
Tag Archives: jew
Only Jewish Employee At Kosher Pizzeria Makes Big Bucks Just To Turn On Ovens
ELIZABETH, NJ — Grinning smugly as he turned the oven to 350° Fahrenheit, local teenager Moshe Goldfarb confirmed that he had been hired last week at Jerusalem Pizza in Elizabeth, New Jersey to operate the restaurant’s ovens, thereby circumventing the prohibition of Bishul Akum (cooking by gentiles). “The job really allows me to apply whatContinue reading “Only Jewish Employee At Kosher Pizzeria Makes Big Bucks Just To Turn On Ovens”
NCSY Shabbaton Participant Sitting On Hotel Floor With New Friends Doesn’t Realize Life Downhill From Here
Cheap Boyfriend Claims God Wouldn’t Want Him To Celebrate Valentine’s Day
Jewish Bengals Fans Raise Concerns About Pigskin Kashrut After Absolutely Eating It
Report: Trader Joe’s Employee Doesn’t Know What ‘Choomus’ Is
WOODMERE, NY — Confusion ensued at the Trader Joe’s branch in Woodmere late Wednesday evening when employee Olivia Walker claimed to not understand customer Brocha Perlstein’s request for so-called “choomus”. “I honestly thought that Trader Joe’s was a Jewish store,” said Perlstein, who recently returned from her year in Israel at Midreshet Moriah. “I mean,Continue reading “Report: Trader Joe’s Employee Doesn’t Know What ‘Choomus’ Is “
Impressive: Birthright Attendee Beats Odds, Drowns In Dead Sea
EIN GEDI, ISRAEL — Shattering a historic glass ceiling, 20-year-old Birthright attendee Sarah Shapiro became the first person to drown in the Dead Sea last Thursday morning, baffling authorities and her fellow bus-mates alike. “Considering this is the one body of water that doesn’t require prior swimming experience, I have to say I’m pretty impressed,”Continue reading “Impressive: Birthright Attendee Beats Odds, Drowns In Dead Sea”
Jew Offered Knuckle Sandwich, Asks To Wash First
As Conservative Movement Dies, USY Hookup Point System Faces Inflation
SILVER SPRING, MD — Following a steep decline in Conservative Jews, the famed “point system” for hookups between members of Conservative youth group USY is now facing gripping inflation rates. “When my older sisters were in USY, they probably had 40, 50 points each,” explained Sami Broder, who comprises her entire chapter board and isContinue reading “As Conservative Movement Dies, USY Hookup Point System Faces Inflation”
Opinion: I Can’t Believe The Haredi Guy On My Flight Is Watching Game Of Thrones
What a fool I was to assume my 10:26 P.M. United Airlines flight from Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood Airport to La Guardia would be an ordinary, uneventful journey. I spied his shtreimel from the back of the TSA line and felt a sinking feeling in my gut – somehow I just knew that this Haredi man wouldContinue reading “Opinion: I Can’t Believe The Haredi Guy On My Flight Is Watching Game Of Thrones”
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