MELROSE PARK, PA — Ending Birkat Hamazon abruptly, Rabbi Jacob Shiner, the head of Torat Emet Middle School, was barely able to hold back tears after hearing “sour cream” shouted over the prayer for the third time this week. When the perpetrator was discovered to be known trouble-maker Eli Goldstein, the 5th grader was promptlyContinue reading “Student Suspended After Shouting ‘Sour Cream’ During Birkat Hamazon For Third Time This Week”
Tag Archives: school
Reform Congregation Ditches Traditional Prayer, Switches To Rap Battles
MANHATTAN, NY — Attempting to appeal to the local youth, Reform congregation Temple Beth Emet made the brave decision last week to begin conducting prayers in the form of a rap battle. “I needed a way to engage the community’s younger crowd,” said Head Rabbi, Shoshana Steiner. “I figured, you know, I’ve listened to HamiltonContinue reading “Reform Congregation Ditches Traditional Prayer, Switches To Rap Battles”
Inappropriate: Students Chant “Color War Breakout” At Assembly About Ukraine
Purim And St. Patrick’s Day Fall On Same Day In Win For Alcoholism
NEW YORK, NY — In an exciting twist for alcoholics and enablers alike, St. Patrick’s Day and Purim fall on the same day this year. According to experts, this holiday coincidence is a unique opportunity for those who claim to “only drink on special occasions” to go absolutely apeshit without fear of divine retribution. “We’reContinue reading “Purim And St. Patrick’s Day Fall On Same Day In Win For Alcoholism”
Pathetic: Local Fourth Grader Can’t Fold Hamantaschen Correctly
HOLLYWOOD, FL — Attempting to impress his older cousins late Sunday afternoon, fourth grader Dovi Berman insisted that he was a skilled hamantaschen folder. Despite his bragging, however, it was soon discovered that his skills left much to be desired. “At first I assumed he was going overboard with the filling,” said Berman’s older cousinContinue reading “Pathetic: Local Fourth Grader Can’t Fold Hamantaschen Correctly”
Lone Soldier Shocked Israeli Army Significantly Harder Than Camp IDF Day
ASHKELON, IL — Following his first week of basic training, new IDF recruit Jacob Moskowitz realized that it was going to be much harder than Camp Moshava’s army day simulation made it out to be. “The army is actually really hard, guys,” said Moskowitz to his completely unsympathetic camp friends, who chose to spend theirContinue reading “Lone Soldier Shocked Israeli Army Significantly Harder Than Camp IDF Day”
Report: Couple Really Grinding It Out At Zusha Concert
Man Leaves YU Seforim Sale With No Marriage Prospects, Only Books
NEW YORK, NY — Admitting that the experience failed to meet his expectations, Shmuley Moscowitz was reportedly disappointed Wednesday evening as he left the Yeshiva University Seforim Sale alone, with only a bag full of books he had no intention of reading. Moscowitz, who frequently skips night Seder to watch YU basketball games, arrived atContinue reading “Man Leaves YU Seforim Sale With No Marriage Prospects, Only Books”
Only Jewish Employee At Kosher Pizzeria Makes Big Bucks Just To Turn On Ovens
ELIZABETH, NJ — Grinning smugly as he turned the oven to 350° Fahrenheit, local teenager Moshe Goldfarb confirmed that he had been hired last week at Jerusalem Pizza in Elizabeth, New Jersey to operate the restaurant’s ovens, thereby circumventing the prohibition of Bishul Akum (cooking by gentiles). “The job really allows me to apply whatContinue reading “Only Jewish Employee At Kosher Pizzeria Makes Big Bucks Just To Turn On Ovens”
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