Tag Archives: torah
Tri-State Area Jews Secede From Out-Of-Towners
UPPER WEST SIDE, NY — In a press release following a month-long conference in Stamford, CT, the newly formed Northeastern Base of B’nai Israel (NEBBI) announced that the Jews of the northeastern United States would be seceding from the rest of the diaspora. This regional group, colloquially referred to as “in-towners”, is estimated to makeContinue reading “Tri-State Area Jews Secede From Out-Of-Towners”
Brutal: Middle School Boy Rejects Other Boy’s High Five, Says ‘I’m Shomer’
Report: Guy From High School Wears Black Hat Now
Ego Check: 8 Wars The Jews Didn’t Win
Hanukkah is all about celebrating the Jews beating the Greeks, the underdog rising up against the powerful enemy, light conquering darkness. Jews around the world gather and light candles in their windows for all the neighbors to see because we have allowed ourselves the disillusion that we can trust our goyishe neighbors not to turnContinue reading “Ego Check: 8 Wars The Jews Didn’t Win”
Local Kosher Bakery Unveils Sufganiyot With Blood Of Christ Filling
Top 10 Nights of Hanukkah
Yup, it’s that time of year again, that period of several days characterized by consuming obscene amounts of jelly doughnuts and pretending to appreciate the fuzzy socks your aunt gave you — it’s Hanukkah. So, in commemoration of this special holiday, let’s take a look at the top 10 nights of the Festival of Lights.Continue reading “Top 10 Nights of Hanukkah”
Man Decides to Go All Out for Holidays, Wears Menorah Socks
San Francisco, CA — Local accountant and office goofball Jesse Orenstein wowed coworkers this week by showing up to the office wearing festively decorated menorah socks on the first day of Hanukkah. The socks in question were dark blue, with small light blue menorahs stitched onto them. A closer examination revealed numbers on each littleContinue reading “Man Decides to Go All Out for Holidays, Wears Menorah Socks”
Cool: 7th Grader Just Google Translated “Bitch” Into Hebrew
Mom Absolutely Losing It Over Parve Dessert That Tastes Dairy
SKOKIE, IL — Spectators from the Shabbat table of Miriam Finkel yesterday claim they witnessed a bizarre scene when the soccer mom couldn’t seem to stop talking about the Tofutti Cuties she purchased at the kosher grocery store. Finkel had never tasted the delicacy before and had previously been wary of parve ice cream products.Continue reading “Mom Absolutely Losing It Over Parve Dessert That Tastes Dairy”
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