Category Archives: News

American Yeshiva Student With New Blundstones, Rav-Kav, Basically Israeli Now

JERUSALEM, IL — According to several witnesses waiting in line on Ben Yehuda Street for overpriced crépes, yeshiva student Yonah Gellman was spotted wearing brand-spanking-new Blundstones and carrying a freshly printed Rav Kav, indicating he’s basically Israeli now. Gellman, who is starting his third week at Yeshivat Eretz HaTzvi, is already considering renouncing his AmericanContinue reading “American Yeshiva Student With New Blundstones, Rav-Kav, Basically Israeli Now”

Local Convert Disappointed He Can No Longer Cook Calf In Mother’s Milk

HOUSTON, TX — Ron Baker, newly converted member of the local Jewish community, was shocked on Wednesday when he discovered the thrice-iterated Biblical prohibition against cooking a kid goat in its mother’s milk.  “I know Judaism is all about restrictions,” Baker said. “But I never thought I’d have to give up boiling baby animals inContinue reading “Local Convert Disappointed He Can No Longer Cook Calf In Mother’s Milk”

Students Baffled By Non-Jewish Teacher Saying “Shabbat Shalom”

MIAMI, FL — Students at Miami Hebrew Academy were shocked to their core this Friday morning when physics teacher Christine Harlan bid them “Shabbat Shalom.” Junior Ahuva  Wexler said she felt “caught super off guard” at the fact that her teacher knew words in their secret language. Her classmate Evan Rosenthal said, “Most of ourContinue reading “Students Baffled By Non-Jewish Teacher Saying “Shabbat Shalom””

BREAKING: Israeli Chief Rabbinate Declares Cats Kosher To Fix Stray Cat Problem

JERUSALEM, IL — A historic shift took place Monday morning as the Chief Rabbinate of Israel officially declared cats as the newest addition to the relatively brief list of kosher animals. The decision comes from years of debate after the concept was initially proposed to curb the rampant feline pest predicament.  “These street cats haveContinue reading “BREAKING: Israeli Chief Rabbinate Declares Cats Kosher To Fix Stray Cat Problem”

Area Kid Singing Adon Olam On Bimah Hoping This Will Be His Big Break

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Eight-year-old Asher Engleman inspired the crowd at Congregation Lev Torah on Saturday when he marched to the bimah and belted Adon Olam with all the stage presence and determination of a future Broadway star. “I just knew it was going to be my big break,” Asher said, after leading the prayer inContinue reading “Area Kid Singing Adon Olam On Bimah Hoping This Will Be His Big Break”

Local campus Hillel Proves Pluralism Is Totally Possible As Long As No One Interacts With Each Other

COLLEGE PARK, MD — The University of Maryland Hillel has proven, once and for all, that Jewish communities are capable of creating inclusive and pluralistic spaces, where Jews of all denominations can feel comfortable practicing their own brand of Judaism around each other, as long as they are within their own designated rooms of theContinue reading “Local campus Hillel Proves Pluralism Is Totally Possible As Long As No One Interacts With Each Other”