NEW YORK, NY — Admitting that the experience failed to meet his expectations, Shmuley Moscowitz was reportedly disappointed Wednesday evening as he left the Yeshiva University Seforim Sale alone, with only a bag full of books he had no intention of reading. Moscowitz, who frequently skips night Seder to watch YU basketball games, arrived atContinue reading “Man Leaves YU Seforim Sale With No Marriage Prospects, Only Books”
Tag Archives: college
Only Jewish Employee At Kosher Pizzeria Makes Big Bucks Just To Turn On Ovens
ELIZABETH, NJ — Grinning smugly as he turned the oven to 350° Fahrenheit, local teenager Moshe Goldfarb confirmed that he had been hired last week at Jerusalem Pizza in Elizabeth, New Jersey to operate the restaurant’s ovens, thereby circumventing the prohibition of Bishul Akum (cooking by gentiles). “The job really allows me to apply whatContinue reading “Only Jewish Employee At Kosher Pizzeria Makes Big Bucks Just To Turn On Ovens”
NCSY Shabbaton Participant Sitting On Hotel Floor With New Friends Doesn’t Realize Life Downhill From Here
Impressive: Birthright Attendee Beats Odds, Drowns In Dead Sea
EIN GEDI, ISRAEL — Shattering a historic glass ceiling, 20-year-old Birthright attendee Sarah Shapiro became the first person to drown in the Dead Sea last Thursday morning, baffling authorities and her fellow bus-mates alike. “Considering this is the one body of water that doesn’t require prior swimming experience, I have to say I’m pretty impressed,”Continue reading “Impressive: Birthright Attendee Beats Odds, Drowns In Dead Sea”
As Conservative Movement Dies, USY Hookup Point System Faces Inflation
SILVER SPRING, MD — Following a steep decline in Conservative Jews, the famed “point system” for hookups between members of Conservative youth group USY is now facing gripping inflation rates. “When my older sisters were in USY, they probably had 40, 50 points each,” explained Sami Broder, who comprises her entire chapter board and isContinue reading “As Conservative Movement Dies, USY Hookup Point System Faces Inflation”
Jewish Students Everywhere Thank Whoopi Goldberg For New Reason To Post Infographics
Report: Guy Putting Head Down For Tachanun Clearly Just Playing Wordle
Aggressive AIPAC College Student Secretly Disappointed By Lack Of BDS On Campus
SYRACUSE, NY — Justin Kreischman, a freshman at Syracuse University, recently revealed to reporters that, despite his outwardly normal college life, he spends his nights lying awake, wishing he could have the chance to yell at people about Israel. Attending the American Israel Public Affairs Committee Policy Conference every year of high school inspired KreischmanContinue reading “Aggressive AIPAC College Student Secretly Disappointed By Lack Of BDS On Campus”
theschmear.com 