Lactose Intolerant Ashkenaz Masochist Serves Third Cheesecake Of Shavuot

BOSTON, MA — On the second night of Shavuot, Jessica Gelman served yet another cheesecake for dessert, laughing with glee at the effect it would soon have on her lactose-intolerant family.  “I know there’s some kabbalistic meaning behind abstaining from meat on Shavuot, but to me, it’s just the one day a year I getContinue reading “Lactose Intolerant Ashkenaz Masochist Serves Third Cheesecake Of Shavuot”

Antisemitic Professor Fails Student Who was Absent Whole Semester, Never Turned in Assignments, Just Because He’s Jewish

SYRACUSE, NY — The Jewish community of Syracuse University has publicly called for the condemnation of Professor Robert Aldrin’s antisemitic actions last week. Professor Aldrin gave a failing grade to Micah Wittenberg, a junior in the psychology department, who has been notably outspoken on campus about his Jewish identity and support for Israel. Speaking toContinue reading “Antisemitic Professor Fails Student Who was Absent Whole Semester, Never Turned in Assignments, Just Because He’s Jewish”

Jewish Man on Deathbed Disappointed to Learn it is Unclear if we Believe in Heaven

LAWRENCE, NY — Local Jewish man, Jacob Steiner, age 79, was reportedly exceptionally bitter after discovering that the Jewish concept of Heaven is complicated to say the least. “Well it just isn’t as simple as having a Heaven with lox and bagels instead of halos and harps. There are different concepts ranging from reincarnation, resurrectionContinue reading “Jewish Man on Deathbed Disappointed to Learn it is Unclear if we Believe in Heaven”

Hillel Member Posts infographic to Instagram Story, Solves Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

CHICAGO, IL — Palestinians and Jews around the world have breathed a sigh of relief and begun mass celebrations as an infographic shared by University of Chicago Hillel treasurer Josh Goldfarb has finally put an end to the decades-long conflict between Israel and Palestine.  Since being posted last Thursday, the graphic, which depicted the colorfulContinue reading “Hillel Member Posts infographic to Instagram Story, Solves Israeli-Palestinian Conflict”

Opinion: Stop Talking About Your Camp

Enough already.  Just because we’re both Jewish, it doesn’t mean I want to hear about your “life-changing” past Jewish experiences all the time. People have to stop talking about their camps and youth groups (unless they are the same ones I went to). Seriously, we are in college. We’re adults, and high school is aContinue reading “Opinion: Stop Talking About Your Camp”

How to Fight Harmful Stereotypes with Poor Financial Decisions

You may be stuck with a larger-than-average nose and those awfully uncomfortable horns, but you don’t always have to be seen by goyim as the token Jew. Here are a few helpful tips on how you can get non-jews to think you’re just as frivolous as they are. 1. Buy into your cousin’s startup TelContinue reading “How to Fight Harmful Stereotypes with Poor Financial Decisions”

The Perks of Being the Only Jew in Your Friend Group

Yes, there are plenty of us who do not live in Jew-heavy areas – and quite often we end up the only Jew in our little group of friends. While we are often misunderstood, misrepresented, or flaunted for diversity, it’s not all bad! Here are some of the best parts of being the only JewContinue reading “The Perks of Being the Only Jew in Your Friend Group”

How I Found Solidarity in My Friend Whose Name Was Also Too Jewish to be on a Magnet

My name is Liana, and I have never found my name on a magnet in a gift shop. Not a single bracelet, hat, snowglobe, or decorative license plate has ever been made for people with my name. I see ones for Lauren, Leah, Lily, and Leo, but never for Liana – although one time, IContinue reading “How I Found Solidarity in My Friend Whose Name Was Also Too Jewish to be on a Magnet”