Tag Archives: school

White South African Jew Insists He Is Technically African-American at College Interview

BOCA RATON, FL — In the midst of an interview with a delegate of Brown University’s admissions office which would help determine his acceptance into the ranks of the esteemed college, Itai Shapiro was heard making the argument that he is technically African-American despite his apparent lack of melanin. Shapiro claimed that since he wasContinue reading “White South African Jew Insists He Is Technically African-American at College Interview”

Jews Win War On Christmas

NORTH POLE, ARCTIC OCEAN — Following a decisive military victory on Thursday the 23rd with the capture of Santa Claus, Jewish communities across the country are celebrating their triumph as they warmly welcome back veterans of the War on Christmas. After years of armed struggles, from the infamous Starbucks front to the dreadful Twitter tactics,Continue reading “Jews Win War On Christmas”

5 Straight-Up Worthless Skills My Day School Education Taught Me

How to read Rashi script Let’s be real: I still don’t know the difference between some of those letters. Rashi script is the cursive of Hebrew, you spend years learning the font only to never use it again. Rashi didn’t even use the script so why should I? How to cheer during Color War  SureContinue reading “5 Straight-Up Worthless Skills My Day School Education Taught Me”

University BDS Chapter Disbanded After Realizing Fauda Has English Subtitles

Berkeley, CA — Local graduate student Olivia Lowell has stepped back from her leading role in UC Berkeley’s BDS organization after learning that the hit Israeli TV show “Fauda” comes with English subtitles on Netflix. “It just seemed so unfair to me,” Lowell reportedly said, “that Israel had this supposedly amazing show, but they were hoardingContinue reading “University BDS Chapter Disbanded After Realizing Fauda Has English Subtitles”

Tri-State Area Jews Secede From Out-Of-Towners

UPPER WEST SIDE, NY — In a press release following a month-long conference in Stamford, CT, the newly formed Northeastern Base of B’nai Israel (NEBBI) announced that the Jews of the northeastern United States would be seceding from the rest of the diaspora.  This regional group, colloquially referred to as “in-towners”, is estimated to makeContinue reading “Tri-State Area Jews Secede From Out-Of-Towners”