BEACHWOOD, OH — In a tear-inducing speech to a room of NCSY high schoolers, Rabbi Eitan Weiss explained that he doesn’t need to celebrate Thanksgiving since he is thankful every single day. “Each morning I wake up and say Modeh Ani and I am overwhelmed by the blessings Hashem has given me,” Rabbi Weiss said toContinue reading “Heartwarming: NCSY Rabbi Doesn’t Celebrate Thanksgiving Because He’s Thankful Every Day”
Category Archives: News
Breaking: Columbus Revealed To Be Secretly Jewish, Born Chaim Cholumbutz
GENOA, ITALY — Explorer Christopher Columbus, known for ‘Columbus Day’ and being a genocidal tyrant that caused the deaths of millions of indigenous people, was recently discovered to have been secretly Jewish this whole time, originally born Chaim Cholumbutz. The truth was uncovered after two years of excavations on what is believed to be oneContinue reading “Breaking: Columbus Revealed To Be Secretly Jewish, Born Chaim Cholumbutz”
Cool: 7th Grader Just Google Translated “Bitch” Into Hebrew
Mom Absolutely Losing It Over Parve Dessert That Tastes Dairy
SKOKIE, IL — Spectators from the Shabbat table of Miriam Finkel yesterday claim they witnessed a bizarre scene when the soccer mom couldn’t seem to stop talking about the Tofutti Cuties she purchased at the kosher grocery store. Finkel had never tasted the delicacy before and had previously been wary of parve ice cream products.Continue reading “Mom Absolutely Losing It Over Parve Dessert That Tastes Dairy”
Man Falls Off Building Onto Woman, Gets Her Pregnant
JERUSALEM, IL — According to bewildered sources that witnessed the bizarre scene on Ussishkin Street early last month, Avraham Gold, local talmid chacham, accidentally fell off of a building, sticking the landing perfectly into a woman who was located below. Apparently, his fall was broken by the insertion of his erect penis into the woman’sContinue reading “Man Falls Off Building Onto Woman, Gets Her Pregnant”
Synagogue Makes Brave Decision Not to Allow Female President of Board
RIVERDALE, NY — According to rapidly spreading rumors circulating around the tri-state area, Congregation Beit Yisrael has made the courageous decision not to elect a female board president this year. “The time to act is now, my fellow congregants,” said Roger Feldman, current synagogue board president, in an email to the congregation. “We considered movingContinue reading “Synagogue Makes Brave Decision Not to Allow Female President of Board”
Report: Israeli Exchange Student Barefoot Again
Ashkenaz Family Scouring To Find Birchon For Sephardic Guest
Synagogue Rolling In Cash After Auctioning NFT Of Rare Carlebach Audio
CROWN HEIGHTS, NY — Ahavas Shira Synagogue struck gold last week when they minted a recording of a never-released Shlomo Carlebach work as a non-fungible token (NFT). Within hours, a massive bidding war broke out across the Jewish world, with offers coming in from as far as Monsey. “We’ve been getting into the crypto worldContinue reading “Synagogue Rolling In Cash After Auctioning NFT Of Rare Carlebach Audio”
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