Tag Archives: bible
Breaking: New Evidence Suggests Matzah Invented By Ancient Jews Who Didn’t Want To Poop In Desert
THE DESERT — On an archaeological excavation last Thursday, noted biblical and Jewish day school teacher, Dr. Albain Halfstead, reportedly discovered a papyrus scroll that explained the historical context behind the invention of matzah. “Those of us familiar with the Old Testament will know the story of the Jews leaving Egypt in such haste thatContinue reading “Breaking: New Evidence Suggests Matzah Invented By Ancient Jews Who Didn’t Want To Poop In Desert”
Seder Ruined By Know-It-All Teen In Atheist Phase
BUFFALO, NY — During the Magid section of the Passover Seder, the Schaufmans read through the story of the Jews’ salvation from their oppression at the hands of the Egyptians – but 15-year-old member of the family, Hillel, had a few objections. “God came down with a strong hand and outstretched arm and liberated theContinue reading “Seder Ruined By Know-It-All Teen In Atheist Phase”
Opinion: Just Because The Jews Suffered In Egypt Shouldn’t Mean I Have To Suffer Through Your Shitty Passover Dessert
We’re amid the gluten-free revolution, people. I’m not just talking about cauliflower crust— there are completely gluten-free pizza restaurants out there with Michelin stars—so why is it that the Jews still don’t know how to bake a single decent Passover dessert? I mean, how hard can it be? Swap in some almond flour in yourContinue reading “Opinion: Just Because The Jews Suffered In Egypt Shouldn’t Mean I Have To Suffer Through Your Shitty Passover Dessert”
Local Man Breaks Out Crusty, Decade-Old Passover Toothbrush
Bar Mitzvah Held On Top Of Masada Ruined By Being Held On Top Of Masada
Man Exiled From Lakewood After Wife Says Hamotzi At Shabbat Table
Climate Change Solved: Elders Of Zion Finally Fix Weather-Control Machine
Scandalous: Local Mezuzah Clearly Dirty Little Slut For Kisses
L’Chaim: Manischewitz To Release Hard Seltzer Brand Targeted At College Hillels
WALTHAM, MA — On the heels of an especially booze-soaked Purim, Manischewitz has announced the production of their own brand of hard seltzer in an attempt to liven up Hillel events. “It’s two of the world’s most popular types of alcohol combined into one great drink!” said Manischewitz representative, Chana Gould. “It’s the perfect drinkContinue reading “L’Chaim: Manischewitz To Release Hard Seltzer Brand Targeted At College Hillels”
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