Tag Archives: jewish

Trees Thinking Of Just Staying In For Birthday This Year

The Forest — In a statement on Saturday night, one day before Tu Bishvat, the world’s trees announced that they decided to stay in for their birthday this year. “Look,” they said, “in a normal year, we love our collective birthday. We get all barked up and do our leaves all nice, but with allContinue reading “Trees Thinking Of Just Staying In For Birthday This Year”

Top 5 Jewish Moms You Didn’t Know Eat Out Dairy

1. Rachel Zilbinger  Don’t let the sheitel fool you! Despite being an active member of the local Orthodox community, Rachel was reportedly seen enjoying fettuccine Alfredo and sipping from a glass of wine at Olive Garden last week after a particularly stressful PTA meeting. While we certainly can’t blame her for wanting to take theContinue reading “Top 5 Jewish Moms You Didn’t Know Eat Out Dairy”

White South African Jew Insists He Is Technically African-American at College Interview

BOCA RATON, FL — In the midst of an interview with a delegate of Brown University’s admissions office which would help determine his acceptance into the ranks of the esteemed college, Itai Shapiro was heard making the argument that he is technically African-American despite his apparent lack of melanin. Shapiro claimed that since he wasContinue reading “White South African Jew Insists He Is Technically African-American at College Interview”

Uh-Oh: Rabbi On Synagogue Zoom Call Still Cannot Work Out Volume Settings

ORLANDO, FL — Despite it being nearly two years since the Covid-19 pandemic began, Rabbi Eric Abramson of Congregation Gesher L’Shalom still struggles to adjust the volume on Zoom calls. The congregation holds morning minyan on Zoom twice a week, led by the 47-year-old Rabbi. According to synagogue members, Rabbi Abramson’s Divrei Torah are nearlyContinue reading “Uh-Oh: Rabbi On Synagogue Zoom Call Still Cannot Work Out Volume Settings”

Suspicious: Man Becomes Religious Just In Time to Cover Growing Bald Spot With Kippah

CEDARHURST, NY — Local Cedarhurst resident, Randy Friedman, known around town for his large backyard tent, has recently begun shifting back to Orthodoxy according to the latest reports. The most prominent change for him thus far has been the donning of a yarmulke, which he started to wear as of last Tuesday.  When questioned byContinue reading “Suspicious: Man Becomes Religious Just In Time to Cover Growing Bald Spot With Kippah”

Amar’e Stoudemire Converts To Islam After YU Basketball Streak Ends

Amar’e Stoudemire was reportedly extremely embarrassed upon receiving the news that Yeshiva University’s basketball team, the Maccabees, lost a game-ending their 50-game streak. “Damn, I should have known Kareem was right,” he said, throwing his black hat to the ground.