San Francisco, CA — Local accountant and office goofball Jesse Orenstein wowed coworkers this week by showing up to the office wearing festively decorated menorah socks on the first day of Hanukkah. The socks in question were dark blue, with small light blue menorahs stitched onto them. A closer examination revealed numbers on each littleContinue reading “Man Decides to Go All Out for Holidays, Wears Menorah Socks”
Tag Archives: jewish
Opinion: It’s Not A Chilul Hashem If It’s Black Friday
We all know the feeling of seeing a great deal at a store and taking off your kippah so it doesn’t look bad when you go apeshit at a strip mall Best Buy. Boy, oh boy, do I have news for you: On Black Friday, all the rules go out the window. That’s right. OnContinue reading “Opinion: It’s Not A Chilul Hashem If It’s Black Friday”
Bubbe Cold Just Watching People On TV At Thanksgiving Parade
BOCA RATON, FL — Surrounded by her children and grandchildren for Thanksgiving, local bubbe Annette Ribner spent all of Thursday morning yelling at the television for the performers at the 95th annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade to put on coats, or at least some tights, because she was cold just looking at them. “These young girlsContinue reading “Bubbe Cold Just Watching People On TV At Thanksgiving Parade”
Heartwarming: NCSY Rabbi Doesn’t Celebrate Thanksgiving Because He’s Thankful Every Day
BEACHWOOD, OH — In a tear-inducing speech to a room of NCSY high schoolers, Rabbi Eitan Weiss explained that he doesn’t need to celebrate Thanksgiving since he is thankful every single day. “Each morning I wake up and say Modeh Ani and I am overwhelmed by the blessings Hashem has given me,” Rabbi Weiss said toContinue reading “Heartwarming: NCSY Rabbi Doesn’t Celebrate Thanksgiving Because He’s Thankful Every Day”
Breaking: Columbus Revealed To Be Secretly Jewish, Born Chaim Cholumbutz
GENOA, ITALY — Explorer Christopher Columbus, known for ‘Columbus Day’ and being a genocidal tyrant that caused the deaths of millions of indigenous people, was recently discovered to have been secretly Jewish this whole time, originally born Chaim Cholumbutz. The truth was uncovered after two years of excavations on what is believed to be oneContinue reading “Breaking: Columbus Revealed To Be Secretly Jewish, Born Chaim Cholumbutz”
Cool: 7th Grader Just Google Translated “Bitch” Into Hebrew
Mom Absolutely Losing It Over Parve Dessert That Tastes Dairy
SKOKIE, IL — Spectators from the Shabbat table of Miriam Finkel yesterday claim they witnessed a bizarre scene when the soccer mom couldn’t seem to stop talking about the Tofutti Cuties she purchased at the kosher grocery store. Finkel had never tasted the delicacy before and had previously been wary of parve ice cream products.Continue reading “Mom Absolutely Losing It Over Parve Dessert That Tastes Dairy”
Man Falls Off Building Onto Woman, Gets Her Pregnant
JERUSALEM, IL — According to bewildered sources that witnessed the bizarre scene on Ussishkin Street early last month, Avraham Gold, local talmid chacham, accidentally fell off of a building, sticking the landing perfectly into a woman who was located below. Apparently, his fall was broken by the insertion of his erect penis into the woman’sContinue reading “Man Falls Off Building Onto Woman, Gets Her Pregnant”
Synagogue Makes Brave Decision Not to Allow Female President of Board
RIVERDALE, NY — According to rapidly spreading rumors circulating around the tri-state area, Congregation Beit Yisrael has made the courageous decision not to elect a female board president this year. “The time to act is now, my fellow congregants,” said Roger Feldman, current synagogue board president, in an email to the congregation. “We considered movingContinue reading “Synagogue Makes Brave Decision Not to Allow Female President of Board”
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