Author Archives: Jon

6 Activities To Try If Someone Says Being Jewish Can’t Be Your Whole Personality 

1. Fly-fishing Nothing says “my Jewish friends wouldn’t understand this” like intentionally standing in cold water, staying quiet for hours, catching something you can’t even eat, and wearing an outfit that makes it hard to use the bathroom. 2. Lacrosse Ever seen a Jew play lacrosse? Exactly. 3. Paint and Sip Class Sipping wine? Jewish!Continue reading “6 Activities To Try If Someone Says Being Jewish Can’t Be Your Whole Personality “

Synagogue Rolling In Cash After Auctioning NFT Of Rare Carlebach Audio

CROWN HEIGHTS, NY — Ahavas Shira Synagogue struck gold last week when they minted a recording of a never-released Shlomo Carlebach work as a non-fungible token (NFT). Within hours, a massive bidding war broke out across the Jewish world, with offers coming in from as far as Monsey. “We’ve been getting into the crypto worldContinue reading “Synagogue Rolling In Cash After Auctioning NFT Of Rare Carlebach Audio”

American Yeshiva Student With New Blundstones, Rav-Kav, Basically Israeli Now

JERUSALEM, IL — According to several witnesses waiting in line on Ben Yehuda Street for overpriced crépes, yeshiva student Yonah Gellman was spotted wearing brand-spanking-new Blundstones and carrying a freshly printed Rav Kav, indicating he’s basically Israeli now. Gellman, who is starting his third week at Yeshivat Eretz HaTzvi, is already considering renouncing his AmericanContinue reading “American Yeshiva Student With New Blundstones, Rav-Kav, Basically Israeli Now”

Local Convert Disappointed He Can No Longer Cook Calf In Mother’s Milk

HOUSTON, TX — Ron Baker, newly converted member of the local Jewish community, was shocked on Wednesday when he discovered the thrice-iterated Biblical prohibition against cooking a kid goat in its mother’s milk.  “I know Judaism is all about restrictions,” Baker said. “But I never thought I’d have to give up boiling baby animals inContinue reading “Local Convert Disappointed He Can No Longer Cook Calf In Mother’s Milk”

Students Baffled By Non-Jewish Teacher Saying “Shabbat Shalom”

MIAMI, FL — Students at Miami Hebrew Academy were shocked to their core this Friday morning when physics teacher Christine Harlan bid them “Shabbat Shalom.” Junior Ahuva  Wexler said she felt “caught super off guard” at the fact that her teacher knew words in their secret language. Her classmate Evan Rosenthal said, “Most of ourContinue reading “Students Baffled By Non-Jewish Teacher Saying “Shabbat Shalom””

BREAKING: Israeli Chief Rabbinate Declares Cats Kosher To Fix Stray Cat Problem

JERUSALEM, IL — A historic shift took place Monday morning as the Chief Rabbinate of Israel officially declared cats as the newest addition to the relatively brief list of kosher animals. The decision comes from years of debate after the concept was initially proposed to curb the rampant feline pest predicament.  “These street cats haveContinue reading “BREAKING: Israeli Chief Rabbinate Declares Cats Kosher To Fix Stray Cat Problem”