Tag Archives: jewish

BREAKING: NCSY Reveals Shomer Negiah Fabricated To Prevent Shabbaton Hook Ups

BOCA RATON, FL  — Shockwaves rippled through the Jewish community this week when Josh Jacobs, the head of national youth group NCSY, admitted that the organization invented shomer negiah in the late 50’s as part of a joint effort with the Orthodox Union to stop high schoolers from engaging in physical acts on Shabbatons. ManyContinue reading “BREAKING: NCSY Reveals Shomer Negiah Fabricated To Prevent Shabbaton Hook Ups”

Jew Spots Other Jew on Campus, Wants Him to Know He’s Also Jewish

NASHVILLE, TN — After spotting a kippah-clad male student crossing campus on Monday, Vanderbilt University Hillel secretary Jacob Rubin reportedly wanted to signal to him that he, too, identified as a member of the Jewish religion. “I tried making eye contact, but he didn’t notice,” Rubin said, still looking over his shoulder and tracking theContinue reading “Jew Spots Other Jew on Campus, Wants Him to Know He’s Also Jewish”

JCC Man Starting to Think 6’10” Muscle-Bound Black Dude Playing Basketball Not Actually Jewish

TENAFLY, NJ — After losing his third straight pickup basketball game at the Bergen County Jewish Community Center by double figures, web developer Micah Barnett found himself wondering if his opponent – a six-foot-ten, 250-lb muscular black man – was indeed Jewish. “Say what you will,” said Barnett, high school color war T-Shirt drenched withContinue reading “JCC Man Starting to Think 6’10” Muscle-Bound Black Dude Playing Basketball Not Actually Jewish”

Close Call: Campus Jewish Organization Added To University Diversity Meeting At Last Second

DAVIDSON, NC — Davidson College Hillel, the only non-Christian religious group on campus, breathed a sigh of relief last Tuesday when they received an email inviting them to participate in the university’s monthly diversity committee meetings.  “We knew they were having these meetings,” said Hillel president Jonathan Weitz on a celebratory walk around campus, “andContinue reading “Close Call: Campus Jewish Organization Added To University Diversity Meeting At Last Second”

Local Non-Jew Wondering Why Her Roommate Keeps Complaining About the Temperature While Making Direct Eye Contact Every Saturday

ANN ARBOR, MI — University of Michigan freshman Savannah Waterford is unsure about why her roommate Yael Berger keeps complaining about the temperature every Saturday until sundown while making awkward eye contact. “That’s not the only thing she does,” Waterford said. “It seems like every Friday night, she gets into bed with the lights on,Continue reading “Local Non-Jew Wondering Why Her Roommate Keeps Complaining About the Temperature While Making Direct Eye Contact Every Saturday”

Opinion: I’m Starting to Think This Niggun is a Billie Eilish Song

Ok so my rabbi brings a “new” niggun from his hometown? Sure… anybody knows that Jews never make new songs. It was a good effort disguising “Bad Guy” with nonsense niggun syllables but still – I’m not buying it. It was a weird song choice but I’m most confused about how the rabbi found outContinue reading “Opinion: I’m Starting to Think This Niggun is a Billie Eilish Song”

Jewish Apples to Apples not as Fun as Local Third Grader Expected

RICHMOND, VA — Third graders at Temple Beth Shalom all cheered as their Hebrew school teacher pulled out the boxed game Apples to Apples during their class Wednesday evening. “We were all like, ‘finally’!” said third grader Lila Durman on how the class reacted, “We never get to play games. We were so excited toContinue reading “Jewish Apples to Apples not as Fun as Local Third Grader Expected”

5 Celebrities you Thought Were Dead but are Actually Alive and Jewish

1. Wallace Shawn My family had a full-fledged argument at dinner about whether “the short guy from The Princess Bride” was still alive. Turns out he is not yet dead, and he is as Jewish as his name is goyish. 2. Bob Dylan Although reported dead by MSNBC in Nov 2020, this Nobel Laureate singer-songwriterContinue reading “5 Celebrities you Thought Were Dead but are Actually Alive and Jewish”