WEST LAFAYETTE, IN — When local student Ezra Adler was asked by a bearded man, presumably of Chabad affiliation, if he had put on tefillin that day, it was the lie heard ‘round the world. Though laying phylacteries is traditional for Jewish men over the age of 13 to do every morning, Ezra had notContinue reading “Man Has Not Put On Tefillin Today, Despite What He Told Chabad Man On Street”
Tag Archives: college
10 Athletes You’ll Be Super Proud To Know Are Jewish
As Jews, we aren’t exactly known for our superior sports skills. But, have there been at least 10 successful Jewish athletes throughout the history of humankind? Let’s find out! 1. Sandy KoufaxNJB alert! Koufax was a pitcher for the Brooklyn Dodgers and one of the best arms in baseball. But he chose not to pitchContinue reading “10 Athletes You’ll Be Super Proud To Know Are Jewish”
BREAKING: NCSY Reveals Shomer Negiah Fabricated To Prevent Shabbaton Hook Ups
BOCA RATON, FL — Shockwaves rippled through the Jewish community this week when Josh Jacobs, the head of national youth group NCSY, admitted that the organization invented shomer negiah in the late 50’s as part of a joint effort with the Orthodox Union to stop high schoolers from engaging in physical acts on Shabbatons. ManyContinue reading “BREAKING: NCSY Reveals Shomer Negiah Fabricated To Prevent Shabbaton Hook Ups”
Jew Spots Other Jew on Campus, Wants Him to Know He’s Also Jewish
NASHVILLE, TN — After spotting a kippah-clad male student crossing campus on Monday, Vanderbilt University Hillel secretary Jacob Rubin reportedly wanted to signal to him that he, too, identified as a member of the Jewish religion. “I tried making eye contact, but he didn’t notice,” Rubin said, still looking over his shoulder and tracking theContinue reading “Jew Spots Other Jew on Campus, Wants Him to Know He’s Also Jewish”
JCC Man Starting to Think 6’10” Muscle-Bound Black Dude Playing Basketball Not Actually Jewish
TENAFLY, NJ — After losing his third straight pickup basketball game at the Bergen County Jewish Community Center by double figures, web developer Micah Barnett found himself wondering if his opponent – a six-foot-ten, 250-lb muscular black man – was indeed Jewish. “Say what you will,” said Barnett, high school color war T-Shirt drenched withContinue reading “JCC Man Starting to Think 6’10” Muscle-Bound Black Dude Playing Basketball Not Actually Jewish”
Close Call: Campus Jewish Organization Added To University Diversity Meeting At Last Second
DAVIDSON, NC — Davidson College Hillel, the only non-Christian religious group on campus, breathed a sigh of relief last Tuesday when they received an email inviting them to participate in the university’s monthly diversity committee meetings. “We knew they were having these meetings,” said Hillel president Jonathan Weitz on a celebratory walk around campus, “andContinue reading “Close Call: Campus Jewish Organization Added To University Diversity Meeting At Last Second”
Local Non-Jew Wondering Why Her Roommate Keeps Complaining About the Temperature While Making Direct Eye Contact Every Saturday
ANN ARBOR, MI — University of Michigan freshman Savannah Waterford is unsure about why her roommate Yael Berger keeps complaining about the temperature every Saturday until sundown while making awkward eye contact. “That’s not the only thing she does,” Waterford said. “It seems like every Friday night, she gets into bed with the lights on,Continue reading “Local Non-Jew Wondering Why Her Roommate Keeps Complaining About the Temperature While Making Direct Eye Contact Every Saturday”
Prospective Student at College Fair Way Too Worried About BDS on Campus, Considering He Probably Won’t Even Get In
ST LOUIS, MO — At Washington University in St. Louis’ prospective student visiting day on Sunday, high school senior Jason Wolman spent far too much time asking about the presence of anti-Zionist organization BDS on campus, for someone with very little chance of being accepted to the college in the first place. “This stuff isContinue reading “Prospective Student at College Fair Way Too Worried About BDS on Campus, Considering He Probably Won’t Even Get In”
Campus Chabad Giving Out Branded Crap like There’s No Tomorrow
BINGHAMTON, NY — Students at Binghamton University worry that they missed a holiday or something, because the campus Chabad just keeps giving them things. Melissa Baker, a sophomore, struggled to open her dorm room door as she juggled a Chabad on Campus branded tote bag, a pair of neon sunglasses, and a Shabbat times refrigeratorContinue reading “Campus Chabad Giving Out Branded Crap like There’s No Tomorrow”
College Senior Announces Plans to Become 40 Year Old Man Playing Basketball at the JCC After Graduation
ITHACA, NY — On Wednesday, Noah Trasser of Dallas, TX, a Senior at the Cornell school of philosophy, turned in his thesis and announced that he has made definitive plans for after graduation. Trasser intends to emotionally prepare for being a 40 year old man playing basketball in the local JCC. “I was offered aContinue reading “College Senior Announces Plans to Become 40 Year Old Man Playing Basketball at the JCC After Graduation”
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