Yes, it’s technically still February, but if you aren’t already getting prepped for Passover, you’re in a whole mess of trouble. Obviously I hope you had a nice Purim and Shabbat, but let’s be real—Purim was a million years ago, before we started Pesach-cleaning… oh, you haven’t started yet? Oh, honey. Oh no. Please don’tContinue reading “Breaking: Passover Basically Tomorrow”
Tag Archives: holiday
5 Easy Purim Drinking Games to Make Your Mitzvah Fulfillment Lit AF
Purim is one of the best Jewish holidays for getting absolutely smashed – sure, we have four cups of wine on Pesach, but on this holy day we’re literally commanded to get blackout drunk. Here are some quick and efficient ways to take your holiday experience to the next level. 1. Take a shot forContinue reading “5 Easy Purim Drinking Games to Make Your Mitzvah Fulfillment Lit AF”
Overly-passionate Congregation’s Boos Starting to Hurt Megillah Reader’s Feelings
WHITE PLAINS, NY — Reports of Temple Sharith Israel’s annual Megillah reading event becoming progressively more hostile every year have been rocking the White Plains community, and Rabbi Danya Farstein has fallen victim to the brunt of the hostility. “At first, it was barely noticeable. The booing at the mention of Haman was maybe aContinue reading “Overly-passionate Congregation’s Boos Starting to Hurt Megillah Reader’s Feelings”
Chabad Rabbi Shoots Heroin Until Unable to Tell Difference Between Haman and Mordechai
WILLIAMSBURG, NY — Rabbi Dov “Wild Bear” Scharf took an unconventional approach to his Purim partying this year. In accordance with Halacha, on Purim one is commanded to become inebriated until unable to tell the difference between the two main characters of the Purim story – however, instead of bringing alcohol, this year Rabbi ScharfContinue reading “Chabad Rabbi Shoots Heroin Until Unable to Tell Difference Between Haman and Mordechai”
Baby in Back of Synagogue Must Like REALLY Hate Haman
SEATTLE, WA — Congregation Beth Shalom’s Emma Geller, the 4-month old daughter of Meital and Ben Geller, showed her admirably staunch disapproval of the evil Haman’s attempted genocide of our people Erev Purim, when she would not stop crying through literally the entire Megillah reading. Emma began crying as soon as Rabbi Eric Horowitz began readingContinue reading “Baby in Back of Synagogue Must Like REALLY Hate Haman”
Intervention Held For Friend Who Prefers Poppy Seed Hamantaschen
MONSEY, NY— An intervention was staged this week for local Jewish teen Jacob Alterman after it became apparent that he prefers poppy seed hamantaschen even to flavors like chocolate chip, apricot jam, and cherry. “It all started when he was 16 and our parents got divorced. He came home from a Rosh Chodesh Adar partyContinue reading “Intervention Held For Friend Who Prefers Poppy Seed Hamantaschen”
Opinion: To be Honest, Haman Could Get It
Have you ever read the Megillah and thought “Damn… Esther really went for the wrong guy”? Because honestly, I’m with you. Not that if I was in her place I wouldn’t have saved all the Jews, but if I’m being totally truthful, I might have gotten distracted once I was in that palace because, toContinue reading “Opinion: To be Honest, Haman Could Get It”
How to Get Your Club Penguin Igloo Ready for Passover
Passover is coming up and you just cleansed your house of chametz, but now you need to do the same for your penguin in Club Penguin. Here are some helpful hints to get your igloo ready for Pesach! 1. Get rid of the obvious chametz Take that table full of treats and change it backContinue reading “How to Get Your Club Penguin Igloo Ready for Passover”
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