WEST LAFAYETTE, IN — When local student Ezra Adler was asked by a bearded man, presumably of Chabad affiliation, if he had put on tefillin that day, it was the lie heard ‘round the world. Though laying phylacteries is traditional for Jewish men over the age of 13 to do every morning, Ezra had notContinue reading “Man Has Not Put On Tefillin Today, Despite What He Told Chabad Man On Street”
Tag Archives: torah
Finally: New BBYO Program Teaches Teens How To Be Followers
WASHINGTON D.C. — Leaders within the BBYO youth movement have recently announced plans for a new summer program called the International Followership Training Institute, which will take place at an assortment of JCC camps across the country. In a press release on Sunday, BBYO’s Director of Teen Programming Evan Barkin wrote, “For almost 100 years,Continue reading “Finally: New BBYO Program Teaches Teens How To Be Followers”
BREAKING: NCSY Reveals Shomer Negiah Fabricated To Prevent Shabbaton Hook Ups
BOCA RATON, FL — Shockwaves rippled through the Jewish community this week when Josh Jacobs, the head of national youth group NCSY, admitted that the organization invented shomer negiah in the late 50’s as part of a joint effort with the Orthodox Union to stop high schoolers from engaging in physical acts on Shabbatons. ManyContinue reading “BREAKING: NCSY Reveals Shomer Negiah Fabricated To Prevent Shabbaton Hook Ups”
Awe-Inspiring: Jewish A Capella Group Sings “One Day”
Opinion: I’m Starting to Think This Niggun is a Billie Eilish Song
Ok so my rabbi brings a “new” niggun from his hometown? Sure… anybody knows that Jews never make new songs. It was a good effort disguising “Bad Guy” with nonsense niggun syllables but still – I’m not buying it. It was a weird song choice but I’m most confused about how the rabbi found outContinue reading “Opinion: I’m Starting to Think This Niggun is a Billie Eilish Song”
Jewish Day School Career Day Invites Non-Lawyers and Non-Doctors for First Time
NEW YORK, NY — Pluralistic Jewish elementary school Kehilat Neshama is giving a new twist to career day this year, with their controversial decision to invite people from professions outside of law and medicine. The innovative volte-face, announced by the administration in a school-wide email on Monday, has been welcomed by some parents with childrenContinue reading “Jewish Day School Career Day Invites Non-Lawyers and Non-Doctors for First Time”
Awkward: I’ve Been Avoiding this Guy Since Our Souls Met at Har Sinai
I can’t tell you how uncomfortable it is to walk into a Starbucks on the Upper West Side and come face to face with the guy I’ve literally been avoiding since our souls met at Har Sinai. I mean, out of all of the Jewish people from every single generation since the inception of ourContinue reading “Awkward: I’ve Been Avoiding this Guy Since Our Souls Met at Har Sinai”
Following Widespread Lashon Hara, Lepers Protest Cancel Culture
THE DESERT, SINAI PENINSULA —Tattlers across the 12 tribes are reporting that Tzara’at sufferers are agitated at their supposedly unfair ostracization from the Jewish community. Tzara’at, characterized by discolored spots on the hair, skin, clothes, and house, is a disease afflicting those who gossip and spread harmful untruths behind people’s backs. The only known treatmentContinue reading “Following Widespread Lashon Hara, Lepers Protest Cancel Culture”
FOOD FALLING FROM FUCKING SKY
THE DESERT, SINAI — In what is being hailed as a large-scale upending of the food service industry, reports are streaming out of the Sinai Desert that food is falling out of the fucking sky. Witnesses claim that approximately 10,000 pounds of a clear food substance called manna plummeted out of the goddamn sky atContinue reading “FOOD FALLING FROM FUCKING SKY”
Shul Bathroom has had Same Basket of Tampons on the Counter as Long as Local Student Can Remember
TAMPA, FL — When Ruthie Mandel came home for Thanksgiving break of her freshman year in college, she knew her parents were going to make her go to shul. She didn’t expect for her trip to the bathroom during the Torah service to bring back such unexpected memories, and certainly didn’t expect a basket ofContinue reading “Shul Bathroom has had Same Basket of Tampons on the Counter as Long as Local Student Can Remember”
theschmear.com 