CHESTNUT HILL, MA — In a heroic show of support for her boyfriend fighting in the Israeli Defense Forces, Boston College freshman Monica Feldman changed her phone’s clock to 24-hour military time this past week. Feldman met her boyfriend Natan Bitton during her year studying in Israel. They dated for four months before Bitton enlistedContinue reading “Brave Student Changes Phone To Military Time In Solidarity With Boyfriend In IDF”
Author Archives: Jon
Inspiring: Ben & Jerry’s Releases New Partition Plan Flavor
Image via Ben and Jerry’s with modification
Frustrated Gabai’s Hand Signals Doing Most Of Work For Underprepared Bar Mitzvah Boy
CLEVELAND, OH — Despite the best efforts of Gabai Steve Ben-Yosef’s fervent hand signals, it was clear to everyone attending young Benny Haim’s Bar Mitzvah at Temple Beth Am this past weekend that Haim was underprepared to read his Torah portion. “After the runt stuttered and blubbered his way through the second Aliyah, I knewContinue reading “Frustrated Gabai’s Hand Signals Doing Most Of Work For Underprepared Bar Mitzvah Boy”
Tisha B’av Easily Worst Day of Fourth Grader’s Summer Camp Experience
High Schooler Really Leaning On Watermelon Juul To Get Through Fast
Kindergarten Class Shaken By Sudden Divorce Of Shabbos Ema and Abba
CHERRY HILL, NJ — Shock swept through the Tadpoles class at Beis Chana Mushke Preschool this Tuesday morning when 5-year-olds Ari Schauer and Esther Blumenthal, last week’s Shabbos Ema and Abba, announced that they had begun legal proceedings to divorce. Witnesses recall noticing the apparent bliss in their relationship last Friday during the end-of-school Oneg.Continue reading “Kindergarten Class Shaken By Sudden Divorce Of Shabbos Ema and Abba”
4 Sex Positions To Try Instead of Missionary Because We Aren’t A Proselytizing Religion
Ever wanted to get frisky with some post-marital lovin’, but feel uncomfortable getting it on in the missionary position considering our religion forbids actively attempting to convert gentiles? Well you’re in luck! Here are four hot and heavy positions to try next time you push the beds together, just in time for Tu B’Av –Continue reading “4 Sex Positions To Try Instead of Missionary Because We Aren’t A Proselytizing Religion”
Only Eating Into Own Free Time: USY Participants Unaware Their Friends Worked Really Hard To Plan Program For Them
ATLANTA, GA – Local USY Director Andrew Zeff has had his hand raised for over 7 minutes now, waiting for high school youth group participants to quiet down and allow the two convention coordinators to continue with the program they had planned. “It should not have to take this long,” said Zeff to the 184Continue reading “Only Eating Into Own Free Time: USY Participants Unaware Their Friends Worked Really Hard To Plan Program For Them”
Synagogue Unveils Revolutionary New Logo, Features Fire, Book
Opinion: This Side Of Mechitza A Real Sausage Fest
Everyone knows we all go to synagogue for one reason and one reason only: the chicks. What’s better than average sex that you don’t have to feel guilty about because your partner is definitely Jewish? I banged my way through the Egalitarian synagogue I usually go to and decided to try the Sephardic one downContinue reading “Opinion: This Side Of Mechitza A Real Sausage Fest”
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