NEW YORK, NY — After getting added to a new WhatsApp group, local grad student Shayna Deutsch spent over seven minutes carefully clicking on the profile pictures of every single member of the group chat. The group, made for a friend’s upcoming birthday party, featured over a dozen phone numbers unregistered in Deutsch’s contacts. “IContinue reading “Woman Just Added To Group Chat Meticulously Clicking Through Every Member’s WhatsApp Profile Photo”
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Local Wal-Mart Opens Kosher Aisle, Features Matzah In July, Food That Isn’t Kosher
CINCINNATI, OH — When Wal-Mart announced they would be unveiling a Kosher aisle, the Jews of Cincinnati rallied behind the momentous decision – unfortunately, the results were underwhelming. “We were so excited that we’d be able to buy our matzah meal and Yizkor candles along with our dog shampoo and As Seen On TV items,”Continue reading “Local Wal-Mart Opens Kosher Aisle, Features Matzah In July, Food That Isn’t Kosher”
Ranking Jewish Marvel Actors By How Proud Their Character’s Mother Would Be (SPOILERS)
Do not read ahead if you’re not up to date on the Marvel Cinematic Universe!! Really! Don’t! 11. Stan Lee 23 jobs in 11 years, traveling aimlessly around all corners of the universe, always close to danger at inopportune times, and never settling down. His poor mother must be so disappointed. Gage Skidmore, CC BYContinue reading “Ranking Jewish Marvel Actors By How Proud Their Character’s Mother Would Be (SPOILERS)”
Quiz: Does the El Al Stewardess Hate You or Is She Just Israeli?
You’re getting on the plane, dreading a 12 hour flight. How does the stewardess make you feel better? A. She looks you directly in the eyes with a look of pure disdain before quickly shifting her gaze to the person behind you. B. She looks you up and down with a judgemental look but saysContinue reading “Quiz: Does the El Al Stewardess Hate You or Is She Just Israeli?”
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5 Ways To Make Your Slutty Clothing Fit A Tznius Dress Code
There’s no shame in showing a little skin if you want to, but sometimes dress codes say otherwise. If your closet is packed to the brim with tube tops and short shorts, here’s how you can make those risqué outfits work for you! 1. Layer up with that tan Kikiriki from middle school We allContinue reading “5 Ways To Make Your Slutty Clothing Fit A Tznius Dress Code”
Man Has Not Put On Tefillin Today, Despite What He Told Chabad Man On Street
WEST LAFAYETTE, IN — When local student Ezra Adler was asked by a bearded man, presumably of Chabad affiliation, if he had put on tefillin that day, it was the lie heard ‘round the world. Though laying phylacteries is traditional for Jewish men over the age of 13 to do every morning, Ezra had notContinue reading “Man Has Not Put On Tefillin Today, Despite What He Told Chabad Man On Street”
10 Athletes You’ll Be Super Proud To Know Are Jewish
As Jews, we aren’t exactly known for our superior sports skills. But, have there been at least 10 successful Jewish athletes throughout the history of humankind? Let’s find out! 1. Sandy KoufaxNJB alert! Koufax was a pitcher for the Brooklyn Dodgers and one of the best arms in baseball. But he chose not to pitchContinue reading “10 Athletes You’ll Be Super Proud To Know Are Jewish”
Finally: New BBYO Program Teaches Teens How To Be Followers
WASHINGTON D.C. — Leaders within the BBYO youth movement have recently announced plans for a new summer program called the International Followership Training Institute, which will take place at an assortment of JCC camps across the country. In a press release on Sunday, BBYO’s Director of Teen Programming Evan Barkin wrote, “For almost 100 years,Continue reading “Finally: New BBYO Program Teaches Teens How To Be Followers”
BREAKING: NCSY Reveals Shomer Negiah Fabricated To Prevent Shabbaton Hook Ups
BOCA RATON, FL — Shockwaves rippled through the Jewish community this week when Josh Jacobs, the head of national youth group NCSY, admitted that the organization invented shomer negiah in the late 50’s as part of a joint effort with the Orthodox Union to stop high schoolers from engaging in physical acts on Shabbatons. ManyContinue reading “BREAKING: NCSY Reveals Shomer Negiah Fabricated To Prevent Shabbaton Hook Ups”
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