Tag Archives: shul

Top 5 Jewish Moms You Didn’t Know Eat Out Dairy

1. Rachel Zilbinger  Don’t let the sheitel fool you! Despite being an active member of the local Orthodox community, Rachel was reportedly seen enjoying fettuccine Alfredo and sipping from a glass of wine at Olive Garden last week after a particularly stressful PTA meeting. While we certainly can’t blame her for wanting to take theContinue reading “Top 5 Jewish Moms You Didn’t Know Eat Out Dairy”

Uh-Oh: Rabbi On Synagogue Zoom Call Still Cannot Work Out Volume Settings

ORLANDO, FL — Despite it being nearly two years since the Covid-19 pandemic began, Rabbi Eric Abramson of Congregation Gesher L’Shalom still struggles to adjust the volume on Zoom calls. The congregation holds morning minyan on Zoom twice a week, led by the 47-year-old Rabbi. According to synagogue members, Rabbi Abramson’s Divrei Torah are nearlyContinue reading “Uh-Oh: Rabbi On Synagogue Zoom Call Still Cannot Work Out Volume Settings”

Suspicious: Man Becomes Religious Just In Time to Cover Growing Bald Spot With Kippah

CEDARHURST, NY — Local Cedarhurst resident, Randy Friedman, known around town for his large backyard tent, has recently begun shifting back to Orthodoxy according to the latest reports. The most prominent change for him thus far has been the donning of a yarmulke, which he started to wear as of last Tuesday.  When questioned byContinue reading “Suspicious: Man Becomes Religious Just In Time to Cover Growing Bald Spot With Kippah”

Uh Oh: Yedid Nefesh Off to Slow Start, Forecast Bleak for Rest of Kabbalat Shabbat

TEANECK, NJ — A drawn-out “Yedid Nefesh” was heard Friday at sunset in Young Israel of Teaneck, leading to bleak predictions for when services would finally end. Murmurs were heard around the synagogue as members filled with regret that seventy-two-year-old Isaac Rosenberg was allowed to lead Kabbalat Shabbat services for the third time this year. Continue reading “Uh Oh: Yedid Nefesh Off to Slow Start, Forecast Bleak for Rest of Kabbalat Shabbat”

Tri-State Area Jews Secede From Out-Of-Towners

UPPER WEST SIDE, NY — In a press release following a month-long conference in Stamford, CT, the newly formed Northeastern Base of B’nai Israel (NEBBI) announced that the Jews of the northeastern United States would be seceding from the rest of the diaspora.  This regional group, colloquially referred to as “in-towners”, is estimated to makeContinue reading “Tri-State Area Jews Secede From Out-Of-Towners”

Top 10 Nights of Hanukkah

Yup, it’s that time of year again, that period of several days characterized by consuming obscene amounts of jelly doughnuts and pretending to appreciate the fuzzy socks your aunt gave you — it’s Hanukkah. So, in commemoration of this special holiday, let’s take a look at the top 10 nights of the Festival of Lights.Continue reading “Top 10 Nights of Hanukkah”