Tag Archives: torah

Brawl Erupts in Mad Dash for Mini Hot Dogs at Bar Mitzvah Kiddush

HOLLYWOOD, FL — In a tragic turn of events, six Young Israel congregants were hospitalized in critical condition this week, all harmed in the same fistfight that broke out next to the mini hot dogs at Jakey Schultz’s bar mitzvah kiddish.  “At first I felt bad throwing punches at guys I’ve prayed next to forContinue reading “Brawl Erupts in Mad Dash for Mini Hot Dogs at Bar Mitzvah Kiddush”

Rad! 5 Davening Tricks to Assert Your Dominance in Your Community’s Minyan

If you’re anything like me, you sometimes feel insignificant in the sea of other congregants at your local minyan. Maybe you dream of absolutely shredding some gnarly Tehillim to impress those on the other side of the mechitza. Well, boy oh boy, do I have some tips for you – listen loud and listen clear,Continue reading “Rad! 5 Davening Tricks to Assert Your Dominance in Your Community’s Minyan”

No Homo: We’re Just Chevrutas

I just have to make something absolutely clear: me and my new chevruta, the ever-so-brilliant Jacob Feinman, are just that – chevrutas. There’s no funny business going on whatsoever. Just two bros shteiging Shmuel Aleph. And sure, we just started perek 18 last Shabbos and we’re already up to perek 21, but that shouldn’t beContinue reading “No Homo: We’re Just Chevrutas”

Changing The Game: Visionary High Schooler Starts Tznius Fashion Instagram

TEANECK, NJ — It’s hard to believe that Bat Tzion Steinhardt, or as she’s known online, @btzn.modestfash, debuted her new modest fashion Instagram blog only a few days ago. Steinhardt is the newest in a long line of high schoolers, many now alumni, who have overcome the complex ins and outs of dress codes toContinue reading “Changing The Game: Visionary High Schooler Starts Tznius Fashion Instagram”

Frustrated Gabai’s Hand Signals Doing Most Of Work For Underprepared Bar Mitzvah Boy

CLEVELAND, OH — Despite the best efforts of Gabai Steve Ben-Yosef’s fervent hand signals, it was clear to everyone attending young Benny Haim’s Bar Mitzvah at Temple Beth Am this past weekend that Haim was underprepared to read his Torah portion.  “After the runt stuttered and blubbered his way through the second Aliyah, I knewContinue reading “Frustrated Gabai’s Hand Signals Doing Most Of Work For Underprepared Bar Mitzvah Boy”

Only Eating Into Own Free Time: USY Participants Unaware Their Friends Worked Really Hard To Plan Program For Them

ATLANTA, GA – Local USY Director Andrew Zeff has had his hand raised for over 7 minutes now, waiting for high school youth group participants to quiet down and allow the two convention coordinators to continue with the program they had planned. “It should not have to take this long,” said Zeff to the 184Continue reading “Only Eating Into Own Free Time: USY Participants Unaware Their Friends Worked Really Hard To Plan Program For Them”

Opinion: This Side Of Mechitza A Real Sausage Fest

Everyone knows we all go to synagogue for one reason and one reason only: the chicks. What’s better than average sex that you don’t have to feel guilty about because your partner is definitely Jewish? I banged my way through the Egalitarian synagogue I usually go to and decided to try the Sephardic one downContinue reading “Opinion: This Side Of Mechitza A Real Sausage Fest”