JERUSALEM, IL — A historic shift took place Monday morning as the Chief Rabbinate of Israel officially declared cats as the newest addition to the relatively brief list of kosher animals. The decision comes from years of debate after the concept was initially proposed to curb the rampant feline pest predicament. “These street cats haveContinue reading “BREAKING: Israeli Chief Rabbinate Declares Cats Kosher To Fix Stray Cat Problem”
Tag Archives: bible
Rabbi Clearly Having Hard Time Forcing Sports Analogy Into D’var Torah
Chabadsouthafrica, CC BY 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons with modifications
Area Kid Singing Adon Olam On Bimah Hoping This Will Be His Big Break
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Eight-year-old Asher Engleman inspired the crowd at Congregation Lev Torah on Saturday when he marched to the bimah and belted Adon Olam with all the stage presence and determination of a future Broadway star. “I just knew it was going to be my big break,” Asher said, after leading the prayer inContinue reading “Area Kid Singing Adon Olam On Bimah Hoping This Will Be His Big Break”
Man Who Has Never Made Etrog Jam In His Life Swears This The Year He Finally Makes Etrog Jam
OAK PARK, MI — In a press release this week, accountant and local block party host Aryeh Gerber has vowed that this year will finally be the year that he makes jam out of the citrus used as part of the celebration of Sukkot. “This year, I’m really gonna do it,” stated Gerber at hisContinue reading “Man Who Has Never Made Etrog Jam In His Life Swears This The Year He Finally Makes Etrog Jam”
MorningStar Farms® Chik’n Nuggets Sales Spike Thanks To Vegan Kapparot
BROOKLYN, NY — In the week preceding Yom Kippur, MorningStar Farms® stock interests have skyrocketed. Explanations eluded leading economists, until Yonatan Glickman and his family were seen standing in their kitchen waving a bag of MorningStar Farms® Veggie Chik’n Nuggets around each of their heads as they completed the customary atonement ritual called Kapparot. The GlickmanContinue reading “MorningStar Farms® Chik’n Nuggets Sales Spike Thanks To Vegan Kapparot”
Fashion Emergency: Entire Community Spotted Wearing White After Labor Day
LOS ANGELES, CA — At 8 p.m. on Wednesday, in a bombshell move that sent shockwaves throughout the California fashion scene, hundreds – if not thousands – of families were seen walking through the Pico-Robertson area wearing all white, merely a week and a half after labor day. Fashion critic Angelica Judd rushed to the sceneContinue reading “Fashion Emergency: Entire Community Spotted Wearing White After Labor Day”
Man With Long Spiralling Shofar Clearly Compensating For Weak Tekiah Gedolah
SILVER SPRING, MD — Rumors have been circulating that local man with massive shofar Avi Stoltz can hardly maintain a clear note for twenty seconds. Despite the elegant and elaborate shofar in his possession, many are now speculating that his actual shofar skills, in reality, blow. Congregants at Stoltz’s synagogue, Temple Beth David, were ableContinue reading “Man With Long Spiralling Shofar Clearly Compensating For Weak Tekiah Gedolah”
Opinion: This Tzom Gedaliah, It’s Time To Reconsider Who Qualifies For A Fast Named After Them
So it’s the Fast of Gedaliah, right? And we’re just supposed to care about some bureaucrat from a million years ago that no one would have heard of if he hadn’t been killed? And not only do we have to care about him, but we have to fast in memory of his death? Why shouldContinue reading “Opinion: This Tzom Gedaliah, It’s Time To Reconsider Who Qualifies For A Fast Named After Them”
Recently Uncovered Challah Embarrassed To Find Out Bracha Made On Wine First
NEW ROCHELLE, NY — Despite the usage of an embroidered silk cover, a humiliated loaf of challah discovered last Saturday that before the HaMotzi blessing, a blessing had already been made on a cup of wine. “I’ve always been told you’re supposed to make a bracha on bread first,” said the sobbing and lightly-toasted pretzelContinue reading “Recently Uncovered Challah Embarrassed To Find Out Bracha Made On Wine First”
5 Manischewitz Cocktails To Make Havdalah Havda-lit
Hosting havdalah can be absolutely nerve-wracking. Preparing food and drinks is one thing, not to mention the inevitable judgement that comes with being in any group of Jews – but worry no more! Here are 5 Manischewitz cocktails that will impress even the pickiest of drinkers! Jello Shots: You can’t go wrong with a partyContinue reading “5 Manischewitz Cocktails To Make Havdalah Havda-lit”
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