HOLLYWOOD, FL — In a tragic turn of events, six Young Israel congregants were hospitalized in critical condition this week, all harmed in the same fistfight that broke out next to the mini hot dogs at Jakey Schultz’s bar mitzvah kiddish. “At first I felt bad throwing punches at guys I’ve prayed next to forContinue reading “Brawl Erupts in Mad Dash for Mini Hot Dogs at Bar Mitzvah Kiddush”
Author Archives: Jon
Rad! 5 Davening Tricks to Assert Your Dominance in Your Community’s Minyan
If you’re anything like me, you sometimes feel insignificant in the sea of other congregants at your local minyan. Maybe you dream of absolutely shredding some gnarly Tehillim to impress those on the other side of the mechitza. Well, boy oh boy, do I have some tips for you – listen loud and listen clear,Continue reading “Rad! 5 Davening Tricks to Assert Your Dominance in Your Community’s Minyan”
No Homo: We’re Just Chevrutas
I just have to make something absolutely clear: me and my new chevruta, the ever-so-brilliant Jacob Feinman, are just that – chevrutas. There’s no funny business going on whatsoever. Just two bros shteiging Shmuel Aleph. And sure, we just started perek 18 last Shabbos and we’re already up to perek 21, but that shouldn’t beContinue reading “No Homo: We’re Just Chevrutas”
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Anti-Israel Liberal Begrudgingly Admits Kibbutz Only Example Of Communism Actually Working
BERKELEY, CA — In a heated political debate about forms of government that took place in the University of California, Berkeley dining hall this Thursday, left-leaning philosophy major Henry Blake reluctantly supported his pro-communism argument by citing the success of Israeli socialist communes known as Kibbutzim. “Listen, I’m definitely not the biggest fan of Israel,Continue reading “Anti-Israel Liberal Begrudgingly Admits Kibbutz Only Example Of Communism Actually Working”
Eight Day Old Absolutely Shitfaced At 11 AM
Image via Zivya, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons
Local Kid Won’t Stop Talking About NFTY, For Some Reason
CLEVELAND, OH — Classmates of local high school junior Jared Shuman continue to be shocked, annoyed, and almost impressed by the sheer amount of words that Shuman is able to say every single day about NFTY. Shuman, who serves as regional vice president of the Reform Jewish Youth Movement, has worn a different NFTY-related shirtContinue reading “Local Kid Won’t Stop Talking About NFTY, For Some Reason”
Changing The Game: Visionary High Schooler Starts Tznius Fashion Instagram
TEANECK, NJ — It’s hard to believe that Bat Tzion Steinhardt, or as she’s known online, @btzn.modestfash, debuted her new modest fashion Instagram blog only a few days ago. Steinhardt is the newest in a long line of high schoolers, many now alumni, who have overcome the complex ins and outs of dress codes toContinue reading “Changing The Game: Visionary High Schooler Starts Tznius Fashion Instagram”
Antisemitic Fish Voices Fear Of One Day Becoming Gefilte
HUDSON RIVER, NY — Deep in the waters of the Hudson River, byswimmers overheard local fish Blub-Glub McCod loudly exclaim his fear of one day being used in gefilte fish this past Wednesday. “Just the thought of being ground up into one of those gelatinous fish-logs really grinds my gills,” McCod said to his schoolContinue reading “Antisemitic Fish Voices Fear Of One Day Becoming Gefilte”
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