NEW ROCHELLE, NY — Despite the usage of an embroidered silk cover, a humiliated loaf of challah discovered last Saturday that before the HaMotzi blessing, a blessing had already been made on a cup of wine. “I’ve always been told you’re supposed to make a bracha on bread first,” said the sobbing and lightly-toasted pretzelContinue reading “Recently Uncovered Challah Embarrassed To Find Out Bracha Made On Wine First”
Category Archives: News
Report: There’s A Dinosaur Knocking At My Door
Noted Goy John Mulaney Really Regrets Agreeing To Circumcision For Jewish Ex-Wife
Dominick D, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons, with modifications
Bald Man Stares Longingly At Klipped Kippah, Yearns For Days Gone By
Yad Vashem’s First Annual Fun Run Canceled, For Obvious Reasons
JERUSALEM, IL — In a last-minute press release, Yad Vashem has cancelled it’s first annual Yom HaZikaron fun run, citing “obvious reasons.” “We’re surprised the planning process got this far,” a Yad Vashem representative said, preferring to stay anonymous to avoid being connected to this event in any way. “A fun run? On Yom HaZikaron?Continue reading “Yad Vashem’s First Annual Fun Run Canceled, For Obvious Reasons”
19-Year-Old Syrian Bride Carded At Own Wedding
BROOKLYN, NY — After trying to order a glass of Bartenura Moscato after her wedding reception, 19-year-old bride-to-be Sarah Dayan was asked by the bartender on site to see her ID. “I may not be technically of age, but come on,” said Dayan. “If I’m mature enough to make a decision that will alter theContinue reading “19-Year-Old Syrian Bride Carded At Own Wedding”
Brawl Erupts in Mad Dash for Mini Hot Dogs at Bar Mitzvah Kiddush
HOLLYWOOD, FL — In a tragic turn of events, six Young Israel congregants were hospitalized in critical condition this week, all harmed in the same fistfight that broke out next to the mini hot dogs at Jakey Schultz’s bar mitzvah kiddish. “At first I felt bad throwing punches at guys I’ve prayed next to forContinue reading “Brawl Erupts in Mad Dash for Mini Hot Dogs at Bar Mitzvah Kiddush”
Anti-Israel Liberal Begrudgingly Admits Kibbutz Only Example Of Communism Actually Working
BERKELEY, CA — In a heated political debate about forms of government that took place in the University of California, Berkeley dining hall this Thursday, left-leaning philosophy major Henry Blake reluctantly supported his pro-communism argument by citing the success of Israeli socialist communes known as Kibbutzim. “Listen, I’m definitely not the biggest fan of Israel,Continue reading “Anti-Israel Liberal Begrudgingly Admits Kibbutz Only Example Of Communism Actually Working”
Eight Day Old Absolutely Shitfaced At 11 AM
Image via Zivya, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons
Local Kid Won’t Stop Talking About NFTY, For Some Reason
CLEVELAND, OH — Classmates of local high school junior Jared Shuman continue to be shocked, annoyed, and almost impressed by the sheer amount of words that Shuman is able to say every single day about NFTY. Shuman, who serves as regional vice president of the Reform Jewish Youth Movement, has worn a different NFTY-related shirtContinue reading “Local Kid Won’t Stop Talking About NFTY, For Some Reason”
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