NEW ROCHELLE, NY — Despite the usage of an embroidered silk cover, a humiliated loaf of challah discovered last Saturday that before the HaMotzi blessing, a blessing had already been made on a cup of wine. “I’ve always been told you’re supposed to make a bracha on bread first,” said the sobbing and lightly-toasted pretzelContinue reading “Recently Uncovered Challah Embarrassed To Find Out Bracha Made On Wine First”
Author Archives: Jon
5 Manischewitz Cocktails To Make Havdalah Havda-lit
Hosting havdalah can be absolutely nerve-wracking. Preparing food and drinks is one thing, not to mention the inevitable judgement that comes with being in any group of Jews – but worry no more! Here are 5 Manischewitz cocktails that will impress even the pickiest of drinkers! Jello Shots: You can’t go wrong with a partyContinue reading “5 Manischewitz Cocktails To Make Havdalah Havda-lit”
Report: There’s A Dinosaur Knocking At My Door
Report: Tzedakah Box At Kosher Restaurant Has Not Been Emptied For Full Decade
CROWN HEIGHTS, NY — Sources confirmed on Monday that the tzedakah box on the counter of BBQ Mo’s Kosher Beefhouse has not been emptied since the restaurant’s inception 10 years ago. “Oh, that thing?” said BBQ Mo’s manager Avraham Singer. “To be honest, I never really noticed we had that.” Other employees reported similar indifference.Continue reading “Report: Tzedakah Box At Kosher Restaurant Has Not Been Emptied For Full Decade”
Noted Goy John Mulaney Really Regrets Agreeing To Circumcision For Jewish Ex-Wife
Dominick D, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons, with modifications
Opinion: Sephardim Say More Slichot Because They Sin More
Alright here’s the thing. For years Sefardim have been smug about having longer slichot than us Ashkenazi people. They think they’re better because their slichot lasts a full month, while ours is only two weeks. But honestly, when you really think about it, why do they need so long? The whole point of slichot isContinue reading “Opinion: Sephardim Say More Slichot Because They Sin More”
Bald Man Stares Longingly At Klipped Kippah, Yearns For Days Gone By
Yad Vashem’s First Annual Fun Run Canceled, For Obvious Reasons
JERUSALEM, IL — In a last-minute press release, Yad Vashem has cancelled it’s first annual Yom HaZikaron fun run, citing “obvious reasons.” “We’re surprised the planning process got this far,” a Yad Vashem representative said, preferring to stay anonymous to avoid being connected to this event in any way. “A fun run? On Yom HaZikaron?Continue reading “Yad Vashem’s First Annual Fun Run Canceled, For Obvious Reasons”
19-Year-Old Syrian Bride Carded At Own Wedding
BROOKLYN, NY — After trying to order a glass of Bartenura Moscato after her wedding reception, 19-year-old bride-to-be Sarah Dayan was asked by the bartender on site to see her ID. “I may not be technically of age, but come on,” said Dayan. “If I’m mature enough to make a decision that will alter theContinue reading “19-Year-Old Syrian Bride Carded At Own Wedding”
5 Bar/Bat Mitzvah Projects That Are Way Cooler Than Raising Money For Some Stupid Charity
We’ve all been to a Bar or Bat Mitzvah where the kid does a project that aims to better their community – and let us be the first to say, big whoop. Oh, cool, you collected food for a food bank! Wow, you raised money for a children’s hospital, how original! If you really wantContinue reading “5 Bar/Bat Mitzvah Projects That Are Way Cooler Than Raising Money For Some Stupid Charity”
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